Tina Fey and her production company Little Stranger have just signed on to the yet unnamed “Hocus Pocus” remake that was announced earlier this year. No news on casting yet, but most anonymous reports are speculating that Fey and Melissa McCarthy are being eyed.
And that’s literally all I have to say on that because we need to talk about something more important. Specifically I need to talk to Pajibaians between the ages of 28 and 35. Please form a semi- circle on the rug, get comfortable, and keep your securest blanket nearby.
Because, guys, our childhood sucked.
Not every individual childhood of course. I’m sure plenty of people here had great childhoods. I’m talking about our shared experience. The pop culture collective to which we all belong. Who here knows all the words to the “Perfect Strangers” theme song? Congratulations, that song is crap.
The problem is not that we had a disproportionate amount of crap (although seriously “Dinosaurs” was for a time a ratings giant. Let that sink in). The problem is that we’ve got much more access to our nostalgia. In previous generations when you became an adult, you’d vaguely remember that radio or tv show, think of it fondly and then move on. Now when you want to remember why Lisa Turtle needed to get a part time job at the Max and sell all of her clothes, but still didn’t have enough money, you just check that episode on IMDB. Or Youtube. Or any of the 66 million hits when you Google “Save By the Bell.” (P.S. It was because Lisa over charged her dad’s credit card, and wanted to pay him back.)
But “Save By the Bell,” like most art, doesn’t hold up. And instead of allowing that which we loved to stay rosily- tinted in our memories, we rip it into the present and force it into remakes with LaBeoufs and Smiths and some dude named Wormald.
It needs to stop, guys. We need to cut it off. “Hocus Pocus” is a great movie. In our memories. Put Fey and McCarthy to better use in a movie that won’t inevitably be compared to your favorite movie from grades 3 - 5.
And “Teen Witch” was a real movie. Never forget.