Hello, friends! It’s been awhile since we visited this column, but the fuckery this week was really firing on all cylinders, and that’s not even counting anyone in the Trump family. Let’s dive in.
That New York Times Writer Who Thinks the Poors Are Scared of Fancy Meats
Did You read David Brooks’ NYT piece about all the things wrong with America today? If so, I’m sorry. First, he seems to think the 1 percent, or even the concept of an elite upper class, are creations of the current generation. Look, of all the many things being blamed on Millennials, a lack of access to higher education seems probably the most out of our control. Brooks seems to genuinely never have heard of the hard-line classism of any previous generation. How dare the modern generation suddenly decide to create a classist divide and deprive various sections of a college education? How dare we?
Fuck Betsy DeVos
Betsy DeVos — the person charged with overseeing federal protections of students — is taking meetings on the future of Title IX, and how colleges and universities respond to sexual assault. Those she’s consulting with include a number of men’s rights activist groups. You know, the kind who thinks “radical feminism” is to blame for all the innocent men constantly having false accusations flung at them. The exact people Title IX is supposed to counter. I wish I were surprised but there’s maybe literally no one worse at their job than Betsy DeVos.
Betsy DeVos’ Head of Civil Rights
So Betsy DeVos presumably thought she had everything covered in the Fucking Over Sexual Assault Victims department, and then Candice Jackson had to go and make DeVos hold her damn beer.
In an interview with the New York Times, Jackson said that when it comes to campus rape, “the accusations — 90 percent of them — fall into the category of ‘we were both drunk,’ ‘we broke up, and six months later I found myself under a Title IX investigation because she just decided that our last sleeping together was not quite right.”
If you’re wondering if this is out of character for Jackson, she called the women who accused Donald Trump of harassment and assault “fake victims.” She’s also argued in the past against both feminism and affirmative action. Yeah, the head of the education department’s civil rights office is very concerned with discrimination against white people. So at least we know why DeVos chose her for the job.
Seriously, fuck this “third thumb” prosthetic
If you’re in need of a second thumb, this prosthetic would be a medical boon to both you and the world. But it’s being marketed as a third thumb, like just for picking up shit with an extra grip and playing guitar which okay, fine, is maybe cool, but mostly unnecessary and terrifying. When choosing our mutant abilities and evolutionary paths, third thumbs are clearly relegated to abomination territory. FUCK THOSE THUMBS.
Oh look, James Woods did something awful. It must be a day of the week. This time, he’s coming after a beautiful, joyful gender nonconforming child fresh off their first Pride. Seriously, look at this incredible child:
My sweet, fabulous, rainbow boy has never received so many compliments. He’s used to getting stares and whispers when we’re out in public. He’s not used to getting the smiles, hugs and encouragement he received at Pride. 🏳️🌈 Link in bio for new blog post and photos from CJ's first Pride. 🏳️🌈 … . . #gaypride #pride #pride2017 #gendercreative #ocpride #genderfluid #gendernonconforming #parenting #lgbt #lgbtq #firstpride
And now look at this assbag:
This is sweet. Wait until this poor kid grows up, realizes what you've done, and stuffs both of you dismembered into a freezer in the garage pic.twitter.com/1k3ITApFsF— James Woods (@RealJamesWoods) July 10, 2017
Luckily, Neil Patrick Harris is there to say what we’re all thinking, if with fewer swears and face-punches.
Utterly ignorant and classless, Mr. Woods. I'm friends with this family. You know not of what you speak, and should be ashamed of yourself. https://t.co/ZrbtZH49sp— Neil Patrick Harris (@ActuallyNPH) July 11, 2017
Seriously, fuck everyone who says they want to make America great again.
This image is from a Sweet Valley High book where a Kansas boy pretends to be a pair of twins so he can hook up with both Jessica and Liz. pic.twitter.com/MxKdj8EtH1— shing yin khor (@sawdustbear) July 10, 2017