Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died this weekend, to the shock of all of us. He was man with a great mind, who used that mind for evil, but that is neither here nor there. The concern we face is that, in an election year, in our final months with President Barack Obama, we find the best replacement, someone who will take great care in protecting the lives and liberties of the American people.
Here’s the issue: we already have Ruth Bader Ginsberg, the world’s best human and fanciest glove person. We can’t have two of her. Or…can we? With a little trip to our Super Secret Kid Detective Spy Disguise Trunk from Mattel’s Made-Up-Toys Division, we might have a solution.
With that, I present to you the only acceptable options to replace Justice Antonin Scalia.
Ruth Slater Ginsberg
Ruth Vader Ginsberg
Ruth Hader Ginsberg
Ruth Jay-der Ginsberg
Ruth Allen Ginsberg
Ruth Flay-der Ginsberg
Ruth Rey-der Ginsberg
Ruth Gator Ginsberg
Thank you for your time. Is this the dumbest thing I’ve ever done? Or my crowning achievement? Let’s ask Ruth Why-Not-Both-der Ginsberg.