The Biggest Box Office Bomb Ever
As I was browsing through Youtube for some meaningless random shit to put up for you unappreciative lowlifes on what surely was a terrible Monday for everybody, I ran into this short clip which prompted some further investigation as it’s subject is our very own Matron of Multi-hued Murder, Katherine Heigl.
Apparently Kathy made a movie in 2006 which has the bizarre title of Zyzzyx Road and stars Kathy as a cleavagely afflicted woman of some sort and Tom Sizemore as her violent ex-boyfriend. Apparently Tom finds her in a hotel with another man, kills the man and drives to the desert in order to bury the body along the titular road. But, upon digging the grave, Tom finds that the body is missing from the trunk (Dun! Dun! Dunnnnn!) Tom engages in a pursuit of the dead guy who isn’t and dirty secrets are learned. Tom, you just can’t do anything right.
It doesn’t sound like a good movie nor even one that could induce me to watch Kathy’s delightful jiggle but it does exist so here’s the trailer.
Why would I bother you with this delightful little turd of a movie? According to IMDB this powerhouse feature made all of $20.00. That’s right, twenty dollars. The same amount as I pay two of my kids for allowance. Less money than an average family spends on a fast-food meal and even less money than I found on the sidewalk last month. If only Heigl had remained in these terrible pictures that we know nothing about we could have been spared the septic sludge she’s been pedaling for the past four years. I need to know who to blame and whether they prefer their flaming moose poo in plastic or paper.