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The Baseball Cap Code & More Disappointingly Bland Revelations From Trump's Longtime Butler

By Vivian Kane | Miscellaneous | March 15, 2016 |

By Vivian Kane | Miscellaneous | March 15, 2016 |

The New York Times published an interview this week with Donald Trump Drumpf’s longtime butler, which sounds like it’s going to be a delicious dish-fest of embarrassing secrets, right? Like never-nude, crazy sex fetish, toupee-on-the-wig-head level secrets.

Unfortunately, for one thing, there’s no indication that this man, Anthony Senecal, is done working for Trump. So this isn’t a full praise piece, but he’s definitely not flipping the bird and reading Trump’s diary aloud on his way out the door. Plus, Senecal sounds— to be blunt— like a total dick. At one point during the interview, he was talking about Trump’s ex-wives and said wife #2, Marla Maples, “really didn’t belong here.” He also ” offered a profane description for Mrs. Clinton,” and— oh yeah— this gem:

In 1990, Mr. Senecal took a sabbatical to become the mayor of a town in West Virginia, where he gained some notoriety for a proposal requiring all panhandlers to carry begging permits. He said that Mr. Trump wrote to him, “This is so great, Tony.”

Still, it takes a d-bag to know a d-bag, so Senecal did have some (mostly, probably unintentionally) laughable insights into Trump’s life.

—Like Ron Swanson’s sex jeans or a goth teen, you can know what mood Trump is in by his hat.

If the cap was white, the staff noticed, the boss was in a good mood. If it was red, it was best to stay away.

—Trump is basically Gatsby. He turned his mansion’s library in to a bar, but before that, it was “paneled with centuries-old British oak and filled with rare first-edition books that no one in the family ever read.”

—Like, REALLY Gatsby.

When the library became a bar, Mr. Trump put a portrait of himself on a wall, posing in tennis whites.

“I’ve been in other homes in Palm Beach — same exact painting,” Mr. Senecal confided archly. “Just a different head.”

—Trump like to ruin steaks: “It would rock on the plate, it was so well done.”

—He may have the single weirdest reason for running for president. According to this interview, the cereal heiress (seriously) who first owned this mansion convinced the local county-run airport to divert air traffic away from her home. But Trump has had no such luck and the constant flying overhead “drives him nuts.” But if he were elected and this estate— named Mar-a-Lago— were turned into the “winter White House” he hopes, the planes couldn’t fly over it, right? Is that enough reason to run for office? Isn’t It?? YARN WALL COMPLETE.

—Oh yeah. He is, OBVIOUSLY, suing that county airport.

He has also sued the town in a dispute over the size of his estate’s flagpole; the size of the banquet hall he added to the property; and the size of the club, which, to frighten the local gentry, he once threatened to sell to followers of the Rev. Sun Myung Moon.

—Perhaps the biggest reveal (not really, of course, none of this matters at all. AT ALL) is that even though there is a salon in the mansion, Drumpf insists on styling his hair himself. Because this:


Doesn’t just HAPPEN, you know.

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