Strange Highs and Strange Lows: A Layperson's (Slanted) Guide to Spader's Film Charms

By Cindy Davis | Miscellaneous | July 8, 2011 |

By Cindy Davis | Miscellaneous | July 8, 2011 |

James Spader clearly has a way with women. Ricky Gervais is onto that and has cleverly calculated he may be able to wrangle some new “Office” viewers by adding Spader to the mix. I’ve certainly never had any interest in the U.S. version of the show until now, but if my dear boy is going to be a regular, you’ll find me over by the water cooler (not-so-discretely panting). What is it about this strange man, who at times seems alternately aloof and uncomfortable in his own skin? He plays seedy or slimy, quiet and shy—a complete asshole, even—and yet he can still easily grab us by the panties. Whether a rich boy, scoffing at a girl’s insecurities, a bespectacled hit man or a quiet and sensitive boss, Spader has been luring us in for 30 years now. And even if he’s gotten a little puffy and his hair isn’t quite what it used to be, the man’s still got it (brilliantly proven by his Emmy winning “Boston Legal” role).

But let’s reminisce and take a hot, little stroll down memory lane, shall we? And if you have been fool enough to be negligent in succumbing to Jimmy’s charms, this can serve as your what to watch directory.

Pretty in Pink

Doesn’t matter that he was a smarmy, rich asshole, you probably can’t name one chick that didn’t fall head over heels for Steff. Were we rooting for Andie and Blane? Sure. But our secret, dirty thoughts were over Spader.

Sex, Lies and Videotape

Not many men can get away with weilding a spoon like this. Spader can and he can also steal your woman out from under you with merely a glance. Let’s all try to ignore the fact that the woman is Andie MacDowell.

White Palace

In an unusually sweet and earnest turn (and a pretty corny film), Spader wins over the older woman. How could he not?

The Music of Chance

If you’ve never seen this one, don’t watch the whole clip—you’ll want to see the film fresh. Even with no women in this bizarre tale, Spader is charming in a way you’ve never seen before. I defy you not to fall for him.

2 Days in the Valley

The hair. The glasses. The voice. (Crappy video, but you get the idea.)

Secretary

And of course, nobody knows how to bring out the best in an office worker like our man, James. If Gervais has a brain in his head, the next season of “The Office” will feature a few sly Secretary references. Now here’s a man who knows how to whip an organization into shape.

Sorry, there’s no embeddable video, so you’ll have to click over: Secretary scene

Cindy Davis doesn’t work in an office, per se, but she’s imagining James Spader as a visiting repairman…