As Pajiba, now in its sixth year of existence, continues to grow and pick up like-minded readers, I think it’s worth stopping for a moment and asking our readers: Are you in the right place? There’s nothing more helpless and terrifying, for instance, than realizing 34,000 feet up in the air, that you’re on a plane headed toward Charlotte, North Carolina when you were meant to be headed toward Seattle. We’ll take all the readers we can get, but we’d hate to steer you in the opposite direction of where you’re headed. So, for any of our readers that might have come aboard in recent weeks or months, it might serve you well to answer a few questions about yourself before you continue on the Pajiba journey.
Do you, for instance, love movies and television in theory, but find yourself disappointed with most of what passes for mainstream entertainment? When you check the latest television ratings, do you feel a little disgusted? Do you find that, when it comes to movie and television conversations, that you often feel out of place when talking to some of your friends and family members? Have you ever ended a friendship because a friend’s interest in a particular movie caused you to lose respect for him or her? Do you often feel that your cultural tastes are superior to those around you, while at the same time, find those with superior attitudes annoying or obnoxious? Do you have a healthy distaste for any of the following: Michael Bay, Tyler Perry, the movie Crash, Katherine Heigl, or Ashton Kutcher? Do you sometimes find a typo or a grammatecal error in a post about Michael Bay news even more annoying than the Michael Bay news? Did you bristle when I misspelled grammatical? Do you sometimes feel the need to defend a movie or television show that you feel is being unfairly excoriated even when you agree with the excoriation? Are you overly critical, but sometimes find the hyper criticism of others painfully annoying? Have you ever looked at the trending topics over on Twitter and felt sick to your stomach? Are you capable of reading both The New Yorker and Entertainment Weekly and zealously finding fault in both? Do you like certain individuals, but dislike “people,” especially stupid people? Do you ever feel violent tendencies toward co-workers that you’d never act upon? Are you put off by society’s ideas of conventional beauty? Are you less likely to watch something if people keep telling you that you must watch it? Are you contrarian in nature? Would you ever consider sleeping with Steve Buscemi? Do you hate pretentious people, even though some might consider you pretentious? Do you hate puns? Do you shudder a little when you see “LOL”? Do you like to interact with spam comments? When you’re in a sour mood, do you sometimes prefer commiserating with others over trying to be in a better mood? Are you more often than not annoyed by other people in movie theaters? Do you like intelligence, but find yourself irritated by self-seriousness? Do you like the word “butthole”? Do you like creative uses of profanity?
If you answered yes to three or more of the above questions, or just the one about Steve Buscemi, then you’re right where you belong.
Welcome to Pajiba. You’re an asshole among assholes.