Good morning, everybody! (Note, I say “morning” because several days out of the week that’s when I’m writing this. I’m clarifying so no one jumps in the comments all “Um, it’s evening? Duh?”) Now, because it’s morning when I’m writing this I’m think about morning routines, specifically, what’s your relationship to your alarm clock? I’ve long perfected the art of being able to gauge the absolute bare minimum of time I need to get ready and out the door and, despite my alarm being set well prior to that, slapping my alarm until that very moment. I really can’t stand waking up and this is why I didn’t eat breakfast from about second grade all the way through college. Most important meal of the day, my ass. So lets hear it, are y’all snoozers or not? While you debate this incredibly important point, here’s your Monday night TV:
7:00pm: “Monday Night Football: Baltimore Ravens at New York Jets” on ESPN. 41st season premiere. Down here in North Cuba I actually have a couple friends who are Jets fans so I’m pretty sure I’m going to be spending this game yelling at them one way or another. Should be entertaining, at the least.
8:00pm: “90210” on The CW. Third season premiere.
“Bachelor Pad” on ABC. First season finale.
“Little People, Big World” on TLC
8:30pm: “Little People, Big World” on TLC
9:00pm: “The 19th Wife” on Lifetime. This is the made for TV movie about some crazy fundamentalist Mormon compound like the one seen on “Big Love” but I think it’s based off an actual book or something? I don’t know, I’ve seen commercials for it, but I’m too mesmerized by the hair to really absorb any information. How do they do that front-butt thing with their hair? Do all the women born into those cults naturally have hair that thick and full? I don’t know why that’s what I fixate on, maybe because it makes me feel inadequate about my own extremely fine and straight hair but if I have to marry some 70 year old dude with eight other wives to get that kind of hair, no thanks.
“American Pickers” on History
“The Closer” on TNT. Sixth season summer finale.
“Gossip Girl” on The CW. Fourth season premiere.
“Health Special: Tourettes Uncovered” on Health
“Hoarders” on A&E. OK, I think THIS is the possum episode. It better be, I’m starting to get weary of A&E’s bait and switch ways with the promos for this show.
“Kate Plus 8” on TLC
“Lie to Me” on Fox. Second season finale.
“Money Hungry” on VH1
“Rupaul’s Drag U” on Logo
“Top Gear” on BBCA. Guest this week is Eddie Izzard.
“WWE: RAW” on USA
9:30pm: “Operation Repo” on TruTV
10:00pm: “Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” on Travel. Mr.Bourdain will be in Madrid tonight, which I’ve been to, and found quite nice.
“Dateline NBC” on NBC
“Diners, Drive Ins and Dives” on Food Network
“Hard Core Pawn” on TruTV
“Hoarders” on A&E
“Pawn Star$” on History
“Lafayette: The Lost Hero” on PBS
“Quints by Surprise” on TLC
“Rizzoli and Isles” on TNT. First season finale.
“Scream Queens” on VH1
“Thintervention” on Bravo. Time slot premiere. God, I hate the whole concept behind this name; thin means nothing. You can be unhealthy and thin and you can be overweight and healthy. I’m not saying that’s always the case, but it’s a fact that seems to go ignored by shows of this type.
“Weeds” on Showtime
“The World of Jenks” on MTV
“Dating in the Dark” on ABC. Second season finale.
10:15pm“Monday Night Football: San Diego Chargers at Kansas City Chiefs” on ESPN
10:30pm: “The Big C” on Showtime
“Pawn Star$” on History
Late Night Listings
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Bill Maher, Kristen Bell, and Brandon Flowers
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring David Hasselhoff, Chef Eric Ripert, and Green Day
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Philip Seymour Hoffman and Ellie Kemper
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Christina Ricci and Robert Plant
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Ben Affleck
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Lisa Birnback
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.