Tonight is the last Pajiba After Dark of Shark Week, and there are indeed two new Shark Week shows on Discovery tonight! Yay! There is also, however, the first episode of the fourth season of “Jersey Shore” which is another show in serious need of a Shark Week crossover event. Gym, tan, laundry? How about gym, tan, OH MY GOD THAT HURTS LET IT GO LET IT GO LETITGO!!!! And yeah, I know this season’s set in Florence and not anywhere actually shore adjacent but I’m certain you could get sharks up the Arno river if you really wanted to. Here’s your Thursday night TV:
8:00pm: “So You Think You Can Dance” on Fox
“Wipeout” on ABC
9:00pm: “Big Brother” on CBS
“Burn Notice” on USA
“Shark City” on Discovery
“Expedition Impossible” on ABC
“Project Runway” on Lifetime
“Sweet Home Alabama” on CMT
10:00pm: “Ancient Aliens” on History
“When Fish Attack 3” on Discovery
“Extreme Chef” on Food Network
“Futurama” on Comedy Central. The episode title is “Möbius Dick” which made me wonder what, exactly, the orifice that was meant to penetrate would look like and I’m pretty certain I broke my brain. Worse than that time I was reading xkcd and came across the phrase “Raptor on a hovercraft” which was pretty bad. I’m going to be drooling in the corner for the next couple hours, talk amongst yourselves.
“Jersey Shore” on MTV. Fourth season premiere.
“LA Ink” on TLC. I wish there was some sort of cheat sheet to which episodes Jesse James was appearing in so I could watch them and point and laugh. Hell, I’d even make popcorn. That’s what you get for being so publicly smug about your gross relationship, fame whores.
“Rookie Blue” on ABC
“Suits” on USA
“Wilfred” on FX
10:30pm: “Louie” on FX
“Ugly Americans” on Comedy Central
12:00am: “Children’s Hospital” on Adult Swim
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Colin Ferrell, Christopher Ferguson, and Typhoon
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Roseanne Barr, Jason Momoa, and Lykke Li
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Jeremy Piven, Denise Richards, and Todd Glass
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Craig touring the Palace of Versailles which is not actually in Paris, although it is pretty close. I mean, not ‘hop on the metro and you’re there’ close but about a half hour drive.
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Ryan Reynolds, Viola Davis, Fountains of Wayne, and Bruce Hornsby
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Sen. Dick Durbin
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Anthony Bourdain. That sound you just heard was the sound of many Pajibettes and some Pajiguys pants exploding.
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Mary McCormack, Josh Wolf, Loni Love, and Ryan Stout
“Conan” on TBS featuring Jason Bateman, Noah Ringer, and Ron Funches
Intern Rusty has a Masters degree in Music Business and Entertainment Industry which makes her sound more successful than she really is. You can read more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.