The one thing Shark Week is missing, in my opinion, is a theme song. Some sort of rallying call for shark fans to use as a ring tone, to sing at karaoke night or some other expression of their shark devotion. I’m not a songwriter, but I’ve got a few existing songs that could be easily altered to fit the shark week motif because one of my favorite leisure time activities is altering the lyrics to popular songs to fit random situations in my life. (One of my favorites a while ago was changing N.E.R.D’s ode to bathroom cocaine usage to “All the doggies standing in a line at the back door!” when I would get home. Yes, I am that cool.) A couple suggestions right off the top of my head: “Rude Boy” by Rihanna (“Do you chomp chomp chomp what I chomp chomp chomp?”), “California Girls” by Katy Perry (“California sharks, we’re vicious predators! Surfers, yeah, we eat them right up!”) and my brother’s contribution is Andrew W.K’s “I Get Wet” with absolutely no change to the lyrics whatsoever. Any suggestions from out there in Pajibaland for a Shark Week theme song? Here’s the rest of your Wednesday night TV:
8:00pm: “Big Brother” on CBS
“Minute to Win It” on NBC
“Katherine Jenkins - Believe - Live at the O2” on PBS
“So You Think You Can Dance” on Fox
9:00pm: “America’s Got Talent” on NBC
“Confessions: Animal Hoarding” on Animal Planet. Could they be hoarding sharks? I mean, I think there’d be a fairly predictable ending to that episode (“Blanche’s neighbor came to check on her one day and found only her artificial hip and part of her house dress near the tank.”) but at least it would be better than the dozens of pathetic and under-nourished cats and dogs that are usually featured.
“Dark Blue” on TNT. Two hour second season premiere.
“Ghost Hunters International” on SyFy
“Plain Jane” on The CW
“Top Chef” on Bravo
“Wonders of the Solar System” on Science. Series premiere.
9:30pm: “Dog the Bounty Hunter” on A&E
“David Garrett Rock Symphonies” on PBS
10:00pm: “24 Hour Restaurant Battle” on Food Network
“Bert the Conquerer” on Travel Channel
“Chasing Mummies” on History
“The Choir” on BBCA
“Criss Angel: Mindfreak” on A&E. Sixth season premiere. Really? This guy is still around? OK then.
“Best Bites: Shark Week’s Greatest Hits” on Discovery. “Wake up in the morning feeling like a shark. I got my teeth, I got my fins, I’m gonna eat some fish. Before I leave brush my teeth with a bottle of chum cause when I leave for the beach I ain’t coming home.” Sorry, I’ll stop now.
“Hot in Cleveland” on TV Land
“Monsters Inside Me” on Animal Planet
“Pros vs. Joes” on Spike TV
“Psych” on USA
“The Real World” on MTV
“Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns” on TBS
“Work of Art: The Next Great Artist” on Bravo
Late Night Listings
“Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Julia Roberts, and The Dead Weather
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Gordon Ramsay, Sofia Vergara, and K’naan
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Eva Mendes, Callan McAuliffe, and the Black Crowes
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Julie Chen and Paula Poundstone
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Will Ferrell, Tim DeKay, and Mike Posner
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Bruce Henderson
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Michael Posner
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.