Those of you who were around last year and follow me on Twitter (so… like maybe four of you) will recall that I started a Shark Week Theme Songs hashtag on Twitter since I felt like the sharks were not given appropriate musical backup. This year, it seems like they’ve gone ahead and picked Lady Gaga’s “Teeth” as the unofficial Shark Week theme song which I do approve of. HOWEVER that does not mean I’ve given up my mission which has more to do with wordplay anyway. Those of you who’d like to play along but don’t have Twitter can still read mine without joining and those of you on Twitter are welcome to use the #sharkweekthemesongs tag for any of your own creations. Enjoy! Here’s your Monday night TV:
8:00pm: “The Bachelorette” on ABC. Seventh season finale.
“Basketball Wives” on VH1
“Eureka” on SyFy
“Giuliana and Bill” on Style
“Hell’s Kitchen” on Fox
“Moby Dick” on Encore. OH MY GOD POTENTIAL SHARK WEEK CROSSOVER!!!! Please? Pretty please? Damn.
“The Secret Life of the American Teenager” on ABC Family
8:30pm: “Tough Cookies” on Food Network
9:00pm: “American Pickers” on History
“Anthony Bourdain” on Travel. This seems to be a show specifically focused on the restaurant elBulli in Catalonia, Spain. The restaurant closed on July 30th but will be reopening in 2014 as a ‘creativity center’ which I haven’t the first damn clue what that might mean. But Anthony Bourdain will probably explain it in his typical acerbic fashion.
“The Bad Girls Club” on Oxygen. Seventh season premiere.
“Cake Boss” on TLC. Fourth season summer finale.
“The Closer” on TNT
“Rogue Sharks” on Discovery. Aren’t all sharks rogue?
“Koran by Heart” on HBO
“Hoarders” on A&E
“Masterchef” on Fox
“RuPaul’s Drag U” on Logo
“Single Ladies” on VH1
“Switched at Birth” on ABC Family
“Warehouse 13” on SyFy
“WWE Raw” on USA. Check local listings.
10:00pm: “The A-List” on Logo
“All Worked Up” on TruTV
“Alphas” on SyFy
“Summer of the Shark” on Discovery
“Intervention” on A&E
“Pawn Star$” on History
“Abraham and Mary Lincoln, a House Divided: American Experience: Blind with Weeping” on PBS
“The Protector” on Lifetime
“The Real Housewives of New York City: Reunion” on Bravo
“Rizzoli & Isles” on TNT
“Surprise Homecoming” on TLC
“Teen Wolf” on MTV
“Weeds” on Showtime
“The Bachelorette: After the Final Rose” on ABC
10:20pm: “James May’s Road Trip” on BBCA
10:30pm: “The Big C” on Showtime
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring James Franco, Dianna Agron, Christina Perri
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Ryan Reynolds, Sheryl Crow, and Matt Nathanson
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Howie Mandel, “Bachelorette” Ashley Herbert, and Jake Shimabukuro
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS. This week, Craig is in Paris and will be touring the Eiffel Tower on the show tonight.
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Cory Monteith, Lou Dobbs, and tUnE-yArDs. I don’t know who that last one is but I hate them for making me type that out that way. I feel dirty. Also, that took forever. Someone who knows someone who does that for real, please tell me if there’s a special way to make that happen automatically or if they really do hit the shift key every other letter because that’s a lot of work to be obnoxious and stupid.
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Freida Pinto
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Tony Hsieh
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Sharon Osbourne, Ben Gleib, Fortune Feimster, and John Caparulo
“Conan” on TBS featuring Harrison Ford, Marisa Miller, and Pitbull
Intern Rusty has a Masters degree in Music Business and Entertainment Industry which makes her sound more successful than she really is. You can read more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.