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Oooo, I Make Everyone Look Small!

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | August 10, 2010 |

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | August 10, 2010 |

I’ve decided to roll right on with the teenager/high school theme because it gives me something to write about and it’s a universal experience so it’s probably more entertaining for you to read than, say, a rant about tuna fish cans and how no matter how careful you are you always get a little bit of the water on your shirt and it’s infuriating. Also, there’s almost always at least one TV show on that’s set in high school so it’s totally relevant. Anyway, if you could go back in time and spend exactly one minute with your teenage self the day you started high school (or whatever it’s equivalent was for you) what would you say? Would you warn them away from certain people, fashion choices, perms, etc. or try to impart a deeper life lesson? Is there anything you’d like to change about your high school experience or do you consider it something that had to happen to get to where you are now? No cheating and writing down a list to give them. Thinking of myself, I’d probably say something along the lines of “Don’t take it all so seriously. It ends and your real life is what you do after high school no matter what the movies try to tell you.” Here’s your Wednesday night TV:

8:00pm: “Hell’s Kitchen” on Fox. Seventh season finale.

“Pretty Little Liars” on ABC Family. First season finale.

“Wipeout” on ABC. They should totally do a teenage version of this, because in my experience teenagers are nearly indestructible and way more likely to do stupid and embarrassing crap for attention. Especially if you find some attractive members of the opposite gender to cheer them on. Yes, that applies to women too, trust me.

9:00pm: “18 to Life” on The CW

“19 Kids and Counting” on TLC

“America’s Got Talent” on NBC

“The Bad Girls Club” on Oxygen

“Flipping Out” on Bravo. Fourth season premiere.

“Hawthorne” on TNT

“It’s Effin’ Science” on G4

“Make It or Break It” on ABC Family

“Masterchef” on Fox

“Shaq vs.” on ABC. The second round on this is “Shaq vs. Penn & Teller” so I guess Shaq is going to try to learn some tricks? Excuse me, illusions. That could be interesting to watch. Also interesting to watch; Penn Jillette being dwarfed by someone for probably the only time in his entire life.

“Swords: Life on the Line” on Discovery. Second season premiere.

“Warehouse 13” on SyFy

“White Collar” on USA

9:30pm: “18 to Life” on The CW

“Gene Simmons Family Jewels” on A&E

10:00pm: “Chopped” on Food Network

“The Colony” on Discovery

“Covert Affairs” on USA. Has Piper Perabo’s character taken off her jacket, tied up her shirt and gotten on a bar to sing a Blondie song yet? No? Still not watching. (For those of you wondering if Piper Perabo will ever live down Coyote Ugly the answer is a resounding no. At least in my case.)

“Growing Up Twisted” on A&E

“Hair Battle Spectacular” on Oxygen. Series premiere.

“Memphis Beat” on TNT

“The Rachel Zoe Project” on Bravo

“Rescue Me” on FX

“Scrappers” on Spike TV

“Teen Mom” on MTV

“WWE NXT” on SyFy

10:30pm: “The IT Crowd” on IFC. Fourth season premiere.

11:00pm: “Louie” on FX. I remembered this time! Go me!

Late Night Listings

“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Anna Kendrick, Eli Roth, and Meat Loaf

“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Sofia Vergara, Gordon Ramsay, and Christian Scott

“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring David Duchovny, and Dave Barry

“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Dylan McDermott, Perez Hilton, and Slayer

“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Jason Bateman

“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Dylan Ratigan

Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.

Genevieve Burgess is a Features Contributor for Pajiba. You can follow Genevieve Burgess on Twitter.

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