I have a migraine today. I’d say something witty about that, but mostly all I can think about right now is that I’d like everybody to just be very very quiet and for the Excedrin to do a little more than just allow me to have basic levels of functioning back. Here’s tonight’s TV:
8:00pm: “Breakthrough with Tony Robbins” on NBC. Series premiere.
“Hell’s Kitchen” on Fox
“Pretty Little Liars” on ABC Family
9:00pm: “America’s Got Talent” on NBC
“Cupcake Wars” on Food Network
“Deadliest Catch” on Discovery. Sixth season finale.
“Gene Simmons Family Jewels” on A&E
“Hawthrone” on TNT
“I’m Pregnant And…” on Health. The addendum on this episode is “A Drug Dealer.” Uplifting!
“It’s Effin’ Science” on G4
“Make It or Break It” on ABC Family
“Masterchef” on Fox. Series premiere. Somehow, Gordon Ramsay has a new show, only now with amateur chefs because they’re more likely to take being yelled at? I don’t understand the appeal of that man. He’s so loud and unpleasant. I promise this assessment has everything to do with how I feel about him on a regular basis and not the fact that I’m currently having blissful thoughts of being shut in a sensory deprivation container.
“Warehouse 13” on SyFy
“White Collar” on USA
9:30pm: “Gene Simmons Family Jewels” on A&E
10:00pm: “The Colony” on Discovery. Second season premiere.
“Cover Affairs” on USA
“Deadliest Warrior” on Spike TV. Second season finale.
“Growing Up Twisted” on A&E
“Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List” on Bravo
“The Little Couple” on TLC
“Memphis Beat” on TNT
“POV: Presumed Guilty” on PBS
“Rescue Me” on FX
“Teen Mom” on MTV
“World’s Wackiest Game Shows: Volume 5” on Travel Channel. Do you think they have a quota on how many Japanese game shows they’re allowed to use per installment of this series or do they just throw it all in there?
“WWE: NXT” on SyFy
10:30pm: “Growing Up Twisted” on A&E. This is labeled as the series premiere, but there’s an episode of this show that’s airing at 10pm, so I’m calling that inaccurate. And dumb.
“The Little Couple” on TLC. Third season finale. The episode title is “A Little FAQ” but it’s all in lower case on the site I use for listing and I thought it said “A Little Fap” at first and dead lord I clearly spend way too much time on the internet for my own sanity.
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Luke Wilson, Kristen Schaal, and Dierks Bentley
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Piers Morgan, Joey King, and Jaron and the Long Road to Love
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Christina Applegate, Hugh Hefner, and Shane Mauss
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Morgan Freeman, and The Black Keys
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Rachel Weisz, Chris Bosh, and Angelique Kidjo
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Fareed Zakaria
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Kevin Kline
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.