There is like, nothing on TV tonight. I know that’s said a lot around here, but usually what’s meant is there’s nothing on that’s good. I mean it for real, the site I consult for TV listings has the shortest page I think I’ve ever seen on it and this is going to be shorter because they list a few shows I feel comfortable ignoring. (Unless there’s a huge amount of WWE fans out there who are disappointed because I’m not mentioning that testosterone-laden soap opera. I’m happy to start doing so if you want. Just be prepared for the mocking I’m sure to do of a show prominently featuring a
dance troupe wrestling gang called “The Nexus” facing off against a similar gang put together by a gentleman who runs around in jean shorts, a baseball cap, and no shirt, or so I surmise from the commercials.) So, um, hope you guys have other ways of entertaining yourselves tonight because TV sure as hell isn’t going to be a help. Here’s Thursday’s TV:
8:00 p.m.: “Big Brother” on CBS.
“Wipeout” on ABC. New episode on a special night. My brother adores this show, I think it’s currently his favorite thing on TV and I can sort of see why; it really doesn’t pretend to be anything it’s not. No one’s promising these people a career based on the outcome, no one’s pretending that any of this will make them a better person or a healthier person, we just want you to embarrass yourself messily on national television for a shot at a cash prize. Simple.
9:00 p.m.: “Burn Notice” on USA.
“The First 48” on A&E.
“Police Women of Memphis” on TLC.
“Rookie Blue” on ABC.
“The Smoking Gun Presents: World’s Dumbest Partiers 10” on TruTV. OK, how can you fail at partying? Really. This is why Andrew W.K. is a motivational speaker, so he can teach people how to party properly.
“So You Think You Can Dance” on Fox.
10:00 p.m.: “Ace of Cakes” on Food Network.
“Bethenny Getting Married?” on Bravo.
“Boston Med” on ABC.
“Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files” on SyFy.
“Futurama” on Comedy Central.
“NICU” on Health.
“Penn and Teller: Bullshit” on Showtime. This week’s show covers the criminal justice system. Clearly these two have an interest in prison reform; after all, they do tricks for a living. (That was trying to be an “Arrested Development” allusion but I think I bungled it, so I’m just going to tell you that’s what I meant. So it’s not funny, but you all know that I’ve seen enough “Arrested Development” to make the reference so you’ll think I’m cool. I think that’s how those work, isn’t it? Probably not. I’ll never be cool.)
“Raising Sextuplets” on WE.
“Royal Pains” on USA.
“TLC Special: The Ladies of Demolition Derby” on TLC. One hour special presentation.
“Top 20 Most Shocking: Boozers and Losers 2” on TruTV.
Late Night Listings:
“The Late Show With David Letterman” on CBS featuring Joan Rivers and Steve Winwood.
“The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Wanda Sykes, Ben Steinbauer, Jack Rebney, and 3OH!3.
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Wilmer Valderrama, Paul “Bear” Vasquez, Dwayne Wade, and Keane.
“The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Michael Clarke Duncan and Daniela Ruah.
“Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Kevin Connolly, Christina Hendricks, and Sheryl Crow.
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.