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OMG, I Want to Punch You in the Face, Yeah?

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | July 19, 2010 |

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | July 19, 2010 |

It’s hot. I think it’s hot everywhere for the moment and it’s only going to get worse through the rest of the summer and the thought of that is distressing. And at least here in Maryland, and most likely in Miami when I get back there in August, it’s super humid too. On one hand, my clothes are never wrinkled; on the other hand it’s impossible to go anywhere that’s more than a five minute walk without showing up sweaty and miserable. With that lovely mental image in mind, here’s tonight’s TV:

8:00 p.m.: “The Bachelorette” on ABC.

“Behind the Music: Usher” on VH1. Second season finale. Having heard some of his latest contributions to music, I feel like Usher took some kind of dare about whether or not he could turn various inane phrases into actual hit songs and he’s winning in a big way. All the rest of us, however, are losing.

“Kid in a Candy Store” on Food Network.

“Lie to Me” on Fox.

“The Secret Life of the American Teenager” on ABC Family.

8:30 p.m.: “Kid in a Candy Store” on Food Network.

9:00 p.m.: “Cake Boss” on TLC.

“The Client List” on Lifetime. Original telefilm. I gather from the commercials I’ve seen that this is about Jennifer Love Hewitt playing a woman who turns to prostitution to support her family, then her husband leaves her cause she’s a prostitute and she sells her client list to make money. Given that it’s on Lifetime, I also predict that she will be one of those magic movie/tv prostitutes that are clean, healthy looking, and never actually get naked because they’re always wearing fairly tame “lingerie.” I just saved you two hours.

“The Closer” on TNT.

“The Good Guys” on Fox.

“HBO Special: Lucky” on HBO. Special presentation.

“Huge” on ABC.

“Intervention” on A&E.

“Last Comic Standing” on NBC.

“PBS Special: History Detectives: Cromwell Dixon, Bartlett Sketchbook, and Duke Ellington Plates” on PBS.

“Rupaul’s Drag U” on Logo. Series premiere. I cannot argue with more Rupaul on TV. There can never be too much. Never.

“Ultimate Car Build Off” on Discovery.

“VH1 Special: The 2010 VH1 Do Something Awards” on VH1. Two hour special presentation.

9:30 p.m.: “Operation Repo” on TruTV.

“Rob Drydek’s Fantasy Factory” on MTV.

10:00 p.m.: “Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” on Travel Channel. Mr. Bourdain will be in Liberia this week.

“Chasing Classic Cars” on Discovery.

“Dance Your Ass Off” on Oxygen.

“Diners, Drive-ins and Dives” on Food Network.

“Fabulous Cakes” on TLC. Series premiere.

“The Hard Times of RJ Berger” on MTV.

“James May’s Toy Stories” on BBCA.

“Neighbors From Hell” on TBS.

“Obsessed” on A&E.

“PBS Special: Turmoil & Triumph: The George Shultz Years: To Start the World Again” on PBS. I’m once again going to point out that the people at PBS need to have their colons revoked for the time being due to flagrant abuse.

“The Real Housewives of New Jersey” on Bravo.

“Rizzoli and Isles” on TNT.

“True Beauty” on ABC. Second season finale.

Late Night Listings:

“The Late Show With David Letterman” on CBS featuring Sylvester Stallone, Rob Corddry, and Robyn.

“The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Don Rickles, Dwayne Wade, and KISS. Well, that is one hell of an unlikely line up. Kudos to whoever booked that.

“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Kyra Sedgwick, Jay Baruchel, and N.E.R.D.

“The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Mary Lynn Rajskub.

“Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Horatio Sanz and Widespread Panic.

Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.

Genevieve Burgess is a Features Contributor for Pajiba. You can follow Genevieve Burgess on Twitter.

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