I’d like to start by wishing a very happy Canada day to the significant portion of Pajibans who live in that frozen wasteland to the north. (I’m mostly kidding, I’ve been to Canada quite a few times and it was lovely. Of course, I’ve always been there in August.) And obviously, we United Statesians are going to be celebrating our own independence related holiday this weekend with meat products of dubious provenance, fireworks of questionable legality, and ugly patriotic themed outfits. Fashion tip: almost no one over the age of 10 looks good in anything approaching a flag pattern unless they’re a Playboy bunny in an American flag themed bikini. That color and pattern combination just makes people look lumpy for some reason. The founding fathers knew this, have you see any portraits of Washington or Jefferson in red, white and blue waistcoats? No. Because it’s gaudy and unattractive. Here’s your Thursday night TV:
8:00pm: “Wipeout” on ABC. New episode on a special night.
8:30pm: “100 Questions” on ABC. First season finale.
9:00pm: “Burn Notice” on USA
“Police Women of Memphis” on TLC
“Rookie Blue” on ABC
“So You Think You Can Dance” on Fox
10:00pm: “Ace of Cakes: 100 Episodes of Cake” on Food network. One hour ninth season premiere. I really do wish this show were more popular. The people working at Charm City Cakes really do capture the artistic and quirky side of Baltimore as opposed to the more popularly portrayed drug infested hell hole side of Baltimore.
“Bethenny’s Getting Married” on Bravo
“Boston Med” on ABC
“Futurama” on Comedy Central. I… have not loved the two new episodes I’ve see so far. I’m sticking with it, because I didn’t hate them either, but it makes me a little sad.
“Mall Cops: Mall of America” on TLC
“The OCD Project” on VH1
“PBS Special: Soundstage: Norah Jones” on PBS
“Penn and Teller: Bullshit: Teen Sex” on Showtime. Again, what is this about? That teens are having sex? That they’re doing it in stupid and impetuous ways? I’m pretty sure teenagers do just about everything in stupid and impetuous ways, that’s why we don’t consider them legal adults. I’m in favor of comprehensive sex ed, but realistically it’s not going to change the stupid and impetuous problem. I know a lot of people like this show, but I have yet to hear anything ground breaking come out of it and if I really want a big dude with an unfortunate ponytail to yell his opinions at me like I’m an annoying halfwit, I’ll go down to the local biker bar and ask what’s so great about Harley Davidsons.
“Royal Pains” on USA
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Taylor Lautner, and Barry Sonnenfeld
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Dakota Fanning, Grocery List Collector Bill Keaggy, and Korn
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Kathy Griffin, Michael Vartan, and Alicia Witt
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Jere Van Dyk
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Manny Howard
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.