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Caaaalllll the Pooolliiiiccceeee!

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | May 26, 2010 |

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | May 26, 2010 |

In light of last night’s debacle, I’ll try and keep things light this evening. Hey, guys! There’s some TV on tonight! I’m betting that some of you want to watch what’s on TV tonight, which is great! And some others of you might not like what’s on TV tonight, and that’s OK too! Me, I’ll be downing Advil and staying away from loud noises and bright lights because I’ve got a massive, nausea-inducing head ache that I suppose is karma. I’m so very sorry I told you that you had to frame your conversations about Lady Gaga around actual discussion topics and not cheap shots at her appearance or unsubstantiated claims regarding her anatomy. I realize now how difficult that must have been for some of you. Here’s Wednesday night’s TV:

8:00 p.m.: “American Idol” on Fox. 127-minute ninth season finale at a special time. I’m betting the winner is not actually announced until minute 125 or so. The previous two hours will be nothing but tributes, clips, visits from previous winners, visits from the people who got kicked off, commercials, Simon mugging, and Seacrest grinning at the camera like a hostage. I will watch none of it. Enjoy!

9:00 p.m.: “Criminal Minds” on CBS. Fifth season finale.

“Ground War: Firepower” on PBS.

10:00 p.m.: “CSI: NY” on CBS. Sixth season finale.

“Ground War: Command and Control” on PBS.

“Peep Show” on BBCA.

“The Real World/Road Rules Challenge” on MTV.

“Sunset Daze” on WE.

“TLC Special: Cellblock 6: Female Lock Up” on TLC. One hour special presentation. This sounds like the title of a bad lesbian porn movie.

“Top Chef Masters” on Bravo.

“Tyler Perry’s House of Payne” on TBS.

“Worst Case Scenario” on Discovery. The title for this is “Desert Breakdown/Tarantula” and I’m wondering what, exactly, would be the worst case scenario involving a tarantula. As I understand it, they’re not deadly to humans. I mean, is the worst case scenario that they exist? Because I could kinda get behind that. I don’t like spiders in the first place. I like large, hairy, aggressive spiders even less.

Late Night Listings:

“The Late Show With David Letterman” on CBS featuring Don Rickles, Piedmont Bird Callers, and John Prine with Yim Yames of My Morning Jacket.

“The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” featuring Kathy Griffin, Paula Deen, and Hanson. I just had a flashback to sixth grade. Weird.

“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Jonah Hill, Cat Deeley, and The Stone Temple Pilots.

“The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Antonio Banderas and Paula Poundstone.

“Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Jake Gyllenhaal, Mario Cantone, and The Black Keys.

“Last Call With Carson Daly” on NBC featuring Nick Stoller, Kidz in the Hall, and City & Colour.

Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.

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Genevieve Burgess is a Features Contributor for Pajiba. You can follow Genevieve Burgess on Twitter.