Free Bitches, Unite!
The Lady Gaga episode of “Glee!” is on tonight, and anytime Lady Gaga comes up here (or most places around the interwebs) certain tiresome and utterly uninteresting discussions happen. This is my attempt at a preemptive strike at a couple of those topics: 1. I don’t give two shits whether or not you find Lady Gaga fuckable. In fact, the only person who cares less than me is probably Lady Gaga herself. Ooo, you think she’s not pretty, random individual on the internet? I’m sure she’ll cry herself to sleep tonight in her luxury hotel surrounded by custom made couture while wiping her bitter tears away with $1,000 bills. Seriously. 2. Can we all stop debating whether or not she has a penis? This is one of those rumors that pops up with virtually any prominent female figure that doesn’t 100% cater to men’s fantasies (for example, I’ve never heard a rumor that Britney Spears was packing, but I heard plenty that P!nk was) and it’s just ugly and boring. Also, after seeing what she wears on stage if she does have a penis she’s either the Leonard Da Vinci of tuck jobs or she’s the one penis bearing person Michael Bay might actually beat in a dick measuring contest. You’re still welcome to tell us all how much you can’t stand her music but let’s face it; those of us who like Gaga are just going to roll our eyes and continue to try and learn the “Bad Romance” dance in our living rooms and those of you who don’t like Gaga aren’t going to start liking her based on anything we say. So! Onto Tuesday night’s TV:
7:00 p.m.: “Inside the Actor’s Studio: Sean Combs” on Bravo. One hour special presentation. You know you might be straying a little ways from the show’s intention when you’re interviewing someone who is still, despite his best efforts, known as Puff Daddy on his acting techniques and inspirations.
8:00 p.m.: “American Idol” on Fox.
“Ancient Aliens” on History. First season finale.
“The Biggest Loser” on NBC. Ninth season finale.
“NCIS” on CBS. Seventh season finale.
9:00 p.m.: “19 Kids and Counting” on TLC.
“Dancing With the Stars” on ABC. Two hour 10th season finale at a special time.
“Deadliest Catch” on Discovery.
“Glee” on Fox. Now, it has been more downplayed than the Lady Gaga feature, but I’m pretty sure they’re also going to be covering KISS tonight. I don’t even care what the plot line for tonight is, I’m 100% just watching for the music.
“NCIS: Los Angeles” on CBS. First season finale.
10:00 p.m.: “9 By Design” on Bravo.
“Ashes to Ashes” on BBCA.
“The Big Gay Sketch Show” on Logo.
“Deadliest Warrior” on Spike TV. Roman Centurion vs. Rajput.
“The Good Wife” on CBS. First season finale.
“The Hills” on MTV.
“Independent Lens: A Village Called Versailles” on PBS.
“Justified” on FX.
“Law and Order: Criminal Intent” on USA.
“Parenthood” on NBC. First season finale.
“Swamp Loggers” on Discovery. Second season finale.
“Tiny and Toya” on BET.
“WWE: Next” on Syfy. Again, I express my bewilderment on why SyFy is hosting the WWE. But I’m pretty sure that’s one of those questions I’ll never really get answered.
Late Night Listings:
“The Late Show With David Letterman” on CBS featuring Sarah Jessica Parker and The Black Keys.
“The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Bret Michaels, Jane Krakowski, and John Butler Trio.
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Jake Gyllenhaal, the winner of “Dancing With the Stars”, and Peter Frampton.
“The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Kristin Davis and Judd Apatow.
“Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Kim Cattrall and Frightened Rabbit.
“Last Call With Carson Daly” on NBC featuring Andy Garcia, Orlando Duque, and OK Go.
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.