I had two different approaches to tonight’s column; the first was to ignore anything about the “Lost” finale and just move forward like it was a regular Sunday night with nothing on TV. The second was to just type “Lost” over and over again, like so: Lost. Lost lost lost lost? Lost lost lost. Lost! Lost lost, lost lost lost, lost. Lost. But then I realized that the column would be indistinguishable from the comments. Also, it stops looking like a real word super quick and starts to unnerve me in a way I can’t properly describe. Much like the actual show! Bam! And as for the first, it would be silly for me to ignore one of the biggest television events of the decade out of spite. Hell, I might even watch the damn thing. There’s no way I’ll come out of it any more or less confused than everyone who’s been following week to week for the last six years. Also, it’s my last chance to use Batmanuel as the header picture. I’ll miss him. Here is your Sunday night’s TV, segregated into “Lost” and non-“Lost” categories:
7:00 p.m.: “Lost: The Final Journey” on ABC. Two hour special presentation.
9:00 p.m.: “Lost: The End, Parts 1 & 2” on ABC. 150-minute series finale on a special night. Now, the show is already scheduled to last two and a half hours, what’s the chances it’ll run over time? I’m going with 70%.
7:00 p.m. “60 Minutes” on CBS.
“Dateline NBC” on NBC.
“‘Til Death” on Fox.
8:00 p.m.: “CBS Special Presentation: Brooks and Dunn: The Last Rodeo” on CBS. Two hour special presentation.
“Minute to Win It” on NBC.
“Seven Deadly Sins” on Lifetime Movie Network. Original Mini-Series.
“The Simpsons” on Fox. 21st season finale.
“Sunday Best” on BET.
“Food Network Challenge: Sex and the City Cakes” on Food Network. This just seems trite; either all the cakes are going to feature shoes and stores, or they’re going to be baked with HRT drugs right in the non-fat frosting to properly maintain the “Sex and the City” lifestyle well into your menopausal years, just like Samantha!
8:30 p.m.: “The Cleveland Show” on Fox. First season finale.
9:00 p.m.: “America, The Story of Us” on History.
“The Apprentice” on NBC. Ninth season finale. My dad saw a commercial for this earlier and said “So, is Bret Michaels’s head going to explode on live TV?” which pretty much sums up the only reason anyone is going to be watching this. For the record, I said “I hope not.”
“Brandy and Ray J: A Family Business” on VH1.
“Family Guy” on Fox. One hour eighth season finale.
“Holmes on Homes” on HGTV.
“Masterpiece!: Miss Marple, Series V: The Mirror Crack’d From Side to Side” on PBS.
“TLC Special: The World’s Fattest Man” on TLC. One hour special presentation.
“The Tudors” on Showtime.
10:00 p.m.: “America, The Story of Us” on History.
“Army Wives” on Lifetime.
“Basketball Wives” on VH1.
“Breaking Bad” on AMC.
“Kendra” on E!
“TLC Special: How I Lost 100 lbs” on TLC. One hour special presentation.
“Treme” on HBO.
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. She has never seen a single episode of “Lost” but has read a stupid amount of articles on it and watched a bunch of fan videos about it in anticipation of tonight’s finale. She remains bewildered. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.