As I write this column (at 10:52am Eastern Time) the US is on the verge of a government shut down. The last time this happened was in 1996 under Bill Clinton and I don’t really remember it too well because I was in elementary school at the time. My biggest concern was whether or not the shut down meant the schools would close too. That answer was no, so I stopped caring immediately. This time I care a little more but I find that every time I start reading too much about what is essentially a giant pissing contest between the two parties I just get angry that it seems like none of the legislators are interested in acting in the best interests of Americans, they’re just looking to score some talking points for their reelection campaign which never actually begins or ends, it’s just a constant process. Anyway, with that totally upbeat thought and giant run-on sentence, here’s your Thursday night TV:
8:00pm: “American Idol” on Fox
“The Big Bang Theory” on CBS
“The Kennedys” on Reelz
“The Vampire Diaries” on The CW. I know several of you are very happy about this one.
8:30pm: “Perfect Couples” on NBC
“Rules of Engagement” on CBS
9:00pm: “Bones” on Fox
“CSI: We Brought Back That Mistress Lady To Boost Ratings” on CBS
“The First 48” on A&E
“Nikita” on The CW
“Police Women” on TLC. Sixth season premiere.
“Swamp People” on History
10:00pm: “Archer” on FX
“Bear Whisperer” on Animal Planet. Second season premiere. Did we learn nothing from Timothy Treadwell? Guess not.
“Ice Brigade” on Food Network
“Manhunters” on A&E
“The Mentalist” on CBS
“Mounted in Alaska” on History. Series premiere. I know what you’re thinking, but this is actually a reality series centered around a taxidermy shop. Unless they’re making Jackalopes and such I’m not super interested. I mean, what’s the point of taxidermy if not to correct the oversight made by evolution and/or the Flying Spaghetti Monster of not including antlers on EVERYTHING.
“Randy Jackson Presents: America’s Best Dance Crew” on MTV. Sixth season premiere.
“The Real Housewives of New York. Fourth season premiere.
“True Crime with Aphrodite Jones” on ID. I am DYING to know if her parents actually named her Aphrodite Jones or if it’s a stage name she picked herself later in life. Because if her parents named her that I want to buy her a drink cause that had to be rough in around the fourth and fifth grade and if she picked it I want to buy her a drink for sheer ovarian fortitude.
“Unleashed: K-9 Brwoard County” on TLC. Series premiere.
10:30pm: “Outsourced” on NBC
“Secret Diary of a Call Girl” on Showtime. Fourth season premiere.
Late Night Listings
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Emma Roberts, Gary Busey, and Jeff Beck with Imelda May
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Vin Diesel, Neve Campbell, and Ellie Goulding
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Helen Hunt and Billy Gardell
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Helen Mirren, Damon Waynes Jr., and Paul Simon
“Last Call with Carson Daly” on NBC featuring Alison Haislip, Joe Wright, and Yelawolf
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Jamie Oliver
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Jeff Greenfield
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Elizabeth Berkley, Ross Mathews, Jeff Wild and Josh Wolf
“Conan” on TBS featuring Jack McBrayer, Colin Quinn, and Hanson. Yes, that Hanson.
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.