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Zombie Jesus Must Have Really Loved Candy

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | April 4, 2010 |

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | April 4, 2010 |

Happy Easter to those of you out there who are Christians of any stripe. Happy Zombie Jesus day to those of you out there who believe that Jesus Christ rising from the dead portends a day when all the dead shall rise and cull the lazy and stupid from humanity, leaving the planet to the quick witted and well armed. And for those of you who don’t really believe in anything, Happy Cheap Candy Eve. Tomorrow you can feast on chocolate shaped like bunnies, marshmallows shaped like chicks, and many many varieties of candy shaped like eggs. For tonight, though, here’s what the faithful and heathen alike can enjoy on television:

7:00pm: “60 Minutes” on CBS

“Dateline NBC” on NBC

“Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom: Bearwalker of the North Woods” on Animal Planet. Eighth season premiere. I’m a little wary of anyone who wants to go walk with bears after Timothy Treadwell, unless it’s one of those remote controlled robots with some cameras attached. Ooooo, send out Big Dog! It’s perfect and it’ll scare hikers shitless if they see it.

“‘Til Death” on Fox

7:30pm: “‘Til Death” on Fox

8:00pm: “The Amazing Race” on CBS

“Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” on CBS. Back to back episodes

“Life: Birds” on Discovery. Do we get those funny dancing Birds of Paradise again? I loved those things!

“Minute to Win It” on NBC

“Sunday Best” on BET. Third season premiere

“Your Kid Ate What?” on TLC The episode is called “Brush With Death” so I’m betting a brush of some kind is involved. TLC is punny like that.

9:00pm: “The Apprentice” on NBC

“Gene Simmons Family Jewels” on A&E

“Holmes on Homes” on HGTV

“Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane” on Style

“Life: Creatures of the Deep” on Discovery

“The Pacific” on HBO

“The Man With Half a Body” on TLC

“Tool Academy” on VH1

“Undercover Boss” on CBS

9:30pm: “Gene Simmons Family Jewels” on A&E

“Sons of Tucson” on Fox

10:00pm: “America’s Worst Driver: Miami” on Travel Channel. Seriously, you can’t throw a rock in this city without hitting someone that fits that description. It’s gotten to the point where I’m not even mad about it anymore, it’s just like a quirk of living here.

“Breaking Bad” on AMC

“Cold Case” on CBS

“Deadliest Catch” on Discovery. Best of Season 5 - King Crab one hour special. I suppose in preparation for the new season starting soon, sans Captain Phil. *Sniff*

“Hoarding: Buried Alive” on TLC

“How to Make It in America” on HBO. First season finale.

“Iron Chef America” on Food Network

“Jerseylicious” on Style

“Kirstie Alley’s Big Life” on A&E

Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.

I Hate When That Happens | Box Office Results 04/04/10

Genevieve Burgess is a Features Contributor for Pajiba. You can follow Genevieve Burgess on Twitter.