Royal Wedding Mania is back on TV tonight so I guess the last couple of days all the networks had to pack up, fly to London and establish their wedding headquarters before sending all the PAs out to find the wackiest wedding memorabilia to be had so they can hold it up on TV and feign surprise that ANYONE would want to purchase a commemorative tea cozy or whatever. What are we up to in terms of tacky wedding memorabilia? There’s always that threshold that hovers somewhere just past creepy (William and Kate pillows) and heads straight on into offensive (say, a commemorative plate featuring an angelic picture of Diana smiling down on William and Kate) and it’s always interesting to see when that event horizon is breached. In a “sad for humanity” kind of way, anyway. Here’s your Wednesday night TV:
7:30pm: “NBA Playoffs: Philadelphia at Miami” on TNT
8:00pm: “American Idol” on Fox
“Are We There Yet” on TBS
“NBA Playoffs: Memphis at San Antonio” on NBA TV
“Inside the Royal Wedding” on NBC
“Survivor” on CBS
8:30pm: “Better With You” on ABC
9:00pm: “America’s Next Top Model” on The CW
“Mythbusters” on Discovery
“Operation Repo” on TruTV. Eighth season finale.
9:30pm: “Breaking In” on Fox
“Extreme Couponing” on TLC. From what I’ve seen this focuses more on getting lots of stuff for very little money as opposed to getting, say, stuff you actually want and will use before the apocalypse for very little money. I’d rather get my weekly grocery bill cut in half than a 99% discount on four flats of brownie mix, you know? Also I don’t have six hours to spend scouring every damn circular and website that MIGHT have coupons on it, but that’s more of a dedication issue than anything else.
“Cougar Town” on ABC
10:00pm: “Biography: Kate Middleton” on Bio
“Clean House” on Style
“Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files” on SyFy. Second season spring finale.
“Happy Endinds” on ABC
“Justified” on FX
“Saving the Bay: Harbor of Harbors” on PBS
“The Real World” on MTV
“South Park” on Comedy Central. 15th season premiere. Looks like tonight’s episode will revolve around “The Human Centipede” and iPads. Don’t ask me how, I can’t come up with a single possibility that doesn’t make me start dry heaving.
“Extreme Royal Collectors” on TLC
“Top Chef Masters” on Bravo
“Tori and Dean: Storibook Weddings” on Oxygen
“Tyler Perry’s House of Payne” on TBS
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Kate Hudson, Rich Eisen, and Emmylou Harris
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Rene Russo, Kevin hart, and Buddy Guy
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Larry King, Jaimie Alexander, and Augustana
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Seth Meyers, Elvis Duran, Dispatch, and Robert Glasper
“Last Call with Carson Daly” on NBC featuring John Lehr, the Hours, and Lykke Li
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Senator Bernie Sanders
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Ice-T
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Mary McCormack, Fortune Feimster, Gary Valentine and Ross Mathews
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures. You can also vote for her to be a part of the “American Gods” audiobook here by searching for “Gen” and clicking on the red-head with brown eyes.