Listen, gentlemen of the Pajibaverse, don’t think I didn’t see you asking to see pictures of my dirty pillows last night (and, I guess, today for some of you) however I believe I’ve previously alluded to the fact that both my parents read this site so as far as Pajiba goes any of you hoping for a glimpse of the currently kind of reddish (I spent Easter on the beach) globes are shit out of luck. Besides, the always lovely and accommodating Joanna put up a gallery of lovely ladies and their lovely lady lumps that put me to shame in so many ways I can’t begin to list all of them, so you can have your fill of mammary gawking over there. It’s for the best, really, those are some PROFESSIONAL boobs whereas mine are utterly amateur. As far as gawking at the TV goes, you’ll not find much there to round out your Boobquake, as it’s mostly playoffs tonight. Here’s your Tuesday night TV:
7:00pm: “NHL Playoffs: Boston at Montreal” on CBS
7:30pm: “NBA Playoffs: Atlanta at Orlando” on NBA TV
“NHL PLayoffs: Buffalo at Philadelphia” on TSN
8:00pm: “The Biggest Loser” on NBC
“Dancing With the Stars” on ABC
“Glee” on Fox. They’re doing a “Born This Way” episode tonight because 1. Of course they are and 2. it’s 90 minutes because they’re not allowed to do a “Fucking Perfect” episode to follow up on network TV. I’m not against the movement that people shouldn’t be discriminated against based on sex, ethnicity, sexuality, or any other of those things people can’t change about themselves but I was born screaming, illiterate, incontinent, without any language comprehension ability, and every time I hear “Born This Way” I tend to think “Well, THAT’S no excuse” which makes me feel like I’m an ass. But really, I just don’t like the semantics of it. Also, you can like yourself a whole lot without thinking you’re perfect. Not an either/or situation. Clearly I need to stop taking pop music so literally.
“One Tree Hill” on The CW
“Black in Latin America” on PBS
“NBA Playoffs: Indiana at Chicago” on TNT
8:30pm: “MTV’s Top 10 Most Outrageous Sex Myths” on MTV. Featuring four girls who have been featured on “Teen Mom,” the least douchey guy from “Jersey Shore,” three pop stars, “and more.” I mean, I’m sure MTV has their heart in the right place, but none of these people scream ‘qualified to give medically accurate sex advice’ to me.
9:00pm: “Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern” on Travel
“Braxton Family Values” on WE
“Dancing With the Stars” on ABC
“Deadliest Catch” on Discovery
“Hardcore Pawn” on TruTV
“Have Cake Will Travel” on Food Network
“Hellcats” on The CW
“The Voice” on NBC. Series premiere. Oh, good, another amateur singing competition.
10:00pm: “16 and Pregnant” on MTV
“Addicted to Food” on OWN
“NHL Playoffs: Chicago at Vancouver” on CBC
“Chopped” on Food Network
“Hogs Gone Wild” on Discovery
“Independent Lens: Marwencol” on PBS
“Marcel’s Quantum Kitchen” on SyFy. First season finale.
“Pregnant in Heels” on Bravo
“Top Shot” on History. Second season finale.
“What the Sell?!” on TLC
Body of Proof” on ABC. Starting a minute late because of the dancing show.
10:30pm: “NBA Playoffs: New Orleans at LA Lakers” on TNT
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Will Ferrell and the Twilight Singers
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Lindsay Lohan, Jillian Michaels, and the Airborne Toxic Event. Wait, didn’t Ms.Lohan recently go back to jail? I’m so confused.
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Mark Ruffalo, Jamie Oliver, the latest “Dancing with the Stars” castoff, and Robbie Robertson
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Matt Lauer, Miranda Cosgrove, Andy Cohen, and Twisted Sister
“Last Call with Carson Daly” on NBC featuring Sean Casey, Girl Talk, and Interpol
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Elizabeth Warren
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring A.C Grayling
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Taylor Momsen, Jo Koy, Sarah Colonna, and John Caparulo
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures. You can also vote for her to be a part of the “American Gods” audiobook here by searching for “Gen” and clicking on the red-head with brown eyes.