I’m not at my best right now because I really really want to take a nap. Walking at least two miles a day between my house and campus sucks way more than biking the same amount. If I happen to get my hands on whoever stole my bike, they’re getting a kick in the nuts and/or ovaries (hey, this is Miami) with my left foot because my right ankle is currently attempting to throw in the towel and could not be counted on to carry out such an important task without causing me undue pain. Also I’m way more aware of the creepy drivers who slow down to look at me now that I’m not trying to keep myself from running into telephone poles. And look, I’m sure there may be one couple out there whose story starts with “Well, I was walking down the street one day and your father started honking and when I looked over he made the most disgusting gesture” and ends with 50 happy years of marriage but not the best way to approach women in general. Just a tip. Here’s Wednesday night’s line up:
8:00 p.m.: “America’s Next Top Model” on The CW.
“Human Target” on Fox. First season finale. Ahhh, “Human Target”, we hardly knew ye. All I was aware of is that you had Chi McBride and Six in your commercials which wasn’t quite enough to draw me in, especially with the schizophrenic scheduling you were subjected to that first month of your season. Fare thee well.
“The New Adventures of Old Christine” on CBS.
“When Families Grieve” on PBS.
“Web Soup” on G4.
8:30 p.m.: “Accidentally on Purpose” on CBS.
“The Middle” on ABC.
9:00 p.m.: “American Idol” on Fox. The episode info says “1 of 8 voted off” but I caught a few minutes of last night’s “Idol” while waiting for “Glee” the way meth addicts wait for a new shipment of Sudafed and I swear they said double elimination. So two people may or may not be going home, I don’t 100% trust The Seacrest.
“Criminal Minds” on CBS.
“Fly Girls” on The CW.
“Modern Family” on ABC.
“Mythbusters” on Discovery.
“Peep Show” on BBCA.
9:30 p.m.: “Cougar Town” on ABC.
“High Society” on The CW.
“That Mitchell and Webb Look” on BBCA.
10:00 p.m.: “Addicted” on TLC.
“CSI: NY” on CBS.
“Discovery Special: What a Tool: Slashers and Crushers” on Discovery. The “What a Tool” title makes it seem like Discovery channel is that dorky uncle trying to use the hip young lingo he hears VH1 use all the time.
“Dog the Bounty Hunter” on A&E.
“In Plain Sight” on USA.
“The Real World/Road Rules Challenge” on MTV.
“The Robert Verdi Show Starring Robert Verdi” on Logo. First season finale.
“South Park” on Comedy Central. 200th episode.
“Top Chef: Masters” on Bravo. Time slot premiere.
“Tyler Perry’s House of Payne” on TBS.
“Ugly Betty” on ABC. Series finale. And TV gets just a tiny bit whiter. Again.
Late Night Listings:
“The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Tracy Morgan, Chloe Moretz, and Alan Jackson.
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Alyssa Milano, Jerry Weintraub, and Gloriana.
“The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Andie MacDowell and Dario Franchitti.
“Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Michael J. Fox, Green Day, and Kaki King.
“Last Call With Carson Daly on NBC featuring Dr. Drew Pinsky and Gossip.
“The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Richard Burt.
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring David Shields.
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.