Last night was the Oscars which were, by tradition, too long, not particularly funny, and predictable. I mean, it was wonderful that The Hurt Locker and Kathryn Bigelow won, but it wasn’t surprising. Surprising would have been if Quentin Tarantino had taken directing for Inglourious Basterds and District 9 had won for Best Picture. This year did manage to feature one of the few Oscar montages I’ve ever heard people say they liked, in the form of the John Hughes tribute, but then foisted interpretive dance on us and kept up with the incredibly misguided “half an hour of actors telling other actors what awesome actors they are” method of introducing the Best Actor and Actress categories. I just feel like the Oscars overall are a huge time sink, they lasted three and a half hours. Where did that time go? They didn’t even perform best songs, there was no decent time given to the Lifetime Achievement winners, and the Science and Tech folks got a group shot. Of course, I realize that I’m entirely unsentimental so if I ran the Oscars the whole thing would go like Tom Hanks presenting Best Picture, each award winner would get exactly the same three minute time slot to make their speech and it would be a complete failure. Anyway, here’s Monday night’s TV:
8:00 p.m.: “The Bachelor: Jason and Molly’s Wedding” on ABC. Two hour special presentation.
“Chuck” on NBC. See? All you “Chuck” fans? It came back! You have something to live for again, judging by your comments. Also, Zachary Levi apparently directed this episode.
“House” on Fox.
“How I Met Your Mother” on CBS.
“The International Sexy Ladies Show” on G4. Wait, is this a series now? How is this a series? This sounds like something that fourteen year old boys who are trying to look like players would come up with in their basement using pictures procured through Google image search while trying to smoke their dads’ cigars.
“Life Unexpected” on The CW.
“The T.A.M.I. Show - Rock ‘n Roll’s First Concert Film” on PBS.
“Top Gear” on BBCA. Jay Leno is the guest.
8:30 p.m.: “Rules of Engagement” on CBS.
9:00 p.m.: “24” on Fox.
“Scott Hamilton: Return to the Ice” on Bio. Two hour special presentation. I have found that after the Olympics I have a completely irrational hate for Scott Hamilton. The guy kept saying shit like “He has no idea how hard figure skating can be” about people who were performing in the damned Olympics. I want them to replace him permanently with Dick Button, who is salty as hell but justly so.
“Celebrity Fit Club” on VH1.
“Gossip Girl” on The CW. Returning from hiatus.
“Make It or Break It” on ABC Family. First season finale.
“Operation Repo” on TruTV.
“Rupaul’s Drag Race” on Logo.
“Trauma” on NBC. Returns from hiatus in a new time slot.
“Two and a Half Men” on CBS.
9:30 p.m.: “The Big Bang Theory” on CBS.
10:00 p.m.: “Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” on Travel.
“The Buried Life” on MTV. First season finale.
“Castle” on ABC. Anybody still watching this? And if so, did it ever get better or are you watching because Nathan Fillion is pretty?
“CSI: Miami” on CBS.
“Damages” on FX.
“Greek” on ABC Family.
“Kell on Earth” on Bravo.
“Law and Order” on NBC.
“The Best of Daniel O’Donnell on Film” on PBS.
“Rupaul’s Drag Race: Untucked” on Logo.
“Secret Diary of a Call Girl” on Showtime. It always bugs me that this is called “secret” because I know the whole thing started out as a book and is now a TV show and is, therefore, not secret in any way shape or form. Referring to it as “Secret Diary” just gives me flashbacks to that cheap diary I had in fourth grade decorated with Power Rangers and a lock that could be broken by stepping on it that said “Secret Diary” across the front.
10:30 p.m.: “Be Good Johnny Weir” on Sundance.
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures. You can also follow her at twitter.com/rustyheadedgirl, but she’s bad at twitter so you probably don’t want to.