Welcome to Monday evening! There’s really no good news about it except for the fact that if you’re reading this you survived Monday and frankly sometimes that’s enough. Personally, I’m not done yet because I have laundry to attend to and yes I know I could’ve done it over the weekend but I’m sure the other apartment dwellers who contend with community laundry rooms can back me up on the fact that the weekend (particularly Sunday) is the worst time to do your laundry. Sunday is apparently the day everyone wakes up and realizes they’ve got nothing to wear but blood drive tee shirts and workout pants bought in a fit of enthusiasm and hope over New Year’s Eve that still have the tags attached. If you can somehow make it over into Monday (in jeans that are slightly too small with holes in places you hope no one is looking at and a tee shirt from a concert you attended four years ago featuring a band you’d prefer not to mention) it’s really for the best. At least, in terms of not having to deal with other people and their laundry. You’ll still look awful. Here’s your Monday night TV:
8:00pm: “The Bachelor” on ABC
“The Event” on NBC. Two hour first season spring premiere. Wait, this is still happening? I totally thought it went off to die a quiet lonely death somewhere. The whole split season shit really confuses the hell out of me.
“House” on FOX
“The Best of Laugh-In” on PBS
“Pretty Little Liars” on ABC Family
8:30pm: “Bait Car” on TruTV
“Mad Love” on CBS
9:00pm: “Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” on Travel. Mr.Bourdain will be enjoying the cuisine of Cambodia in this episode.
“The Bad Girls Club” on Oxygen
“Being Human” on SyFy
“Cake Boss” on TLC
“Chicago Code” on Fox
“Greek” on ABC Family. Series finale.
“He Loves Me” on Lifetime. Original Telefilm. Starring Heather Locklear who’s been looking a little botox-y lately, which is a damn shame.
“Intervention” on A&E
“Love that Girl” on TV One. I’m only mentioning this because the episode title is “P.Y.T” which makes it the third television show to name an episode after that particular Michael Jackson song or reference it in some way. The other two were “Glee” (Artie sang it in the Valentine’s Day episode) and “Grey’s Anatomy” which had an episode in February called “P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thing)” during which Lexie basically lost her shit all over everyone and everything. What I’m really saying here is that I probably need a new hobby.
“Top Gear” on BBCA
“WWE: RAW” on USA
9:30pm: “Outrageous Kid Parties” on TLC. I’m still trying to figure out what the pitch for this show was: all the conspicuous consumption of “My Super Sweet 16” with the uncomfortableness of “Toddlers and Tiaras” plus cake? Really, until they’re 9 or 10, kids don’t seem to care if you got the cake from the bakery with the pastry chef who trained in Paris or from the freezer at the Baskin Robbins as long as they get to rip the shit out of some wrapping paper and run around like lunatics after eating cake. Preferably with appropriately messy accessories like water balloons, face paint, or super soakers.
“Dusable to Obama: Chicago’s Black Metropolis” on PBS
10:00pm: “19 Kids and Counting” on TLC
“All About Aubrey” on Oxygen. Series premiere.
“Behind the Music: Nelly” on VH1
“Bethenny Ever After” on Bravo
“Harry’s Law” on NBC
“Heavy” on A&E
“In the Bedroom With Dr.Laura Berman” on OWN
“Lizard Lick Towing” on TruTV
“RuPaul’s Drag Race” on Logo
“Shatner’s Raw Nerve” on Bio
“Skins” on MTV
“Stargate Universe” on SyFy. Second season spring premiere
Late Night Listings
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Aaron Eckhart and Paula Poundstone
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Sen. Rand Paul
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Joshua Foer
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Sophie Monk, Chris Franjola, Josh Wolf, and Celia Pacquola
“Conan” on TBS featuring Seth Green, Jayma Mays, and Travis Barker
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.