Wow, y’all, pickings are slim tonight. And I don’t mean in the “there’s nothing good on” sense, I mean there’s nothing on. Good, bad, indifferent or otherwise. At least nothing new, I guess there may be some interesting re-runs happening somewhere. I hope you’ve got books or some DVDs to keep you busy otherwise, god forbid, you might actually have to interact with other people and we all know how much those of us who spend time on the internet hate that. As best I can tell from movies and TV shows, we’re all either super genius teenagers who “hack” in some kind of competitive fashion or lonely obese men in basements with no lights stuffing our face with some variety of neon-colored snack food and soda who like to pretend we’re nubile 21 year old women with fabulous social lives who also somehow manage to have time to talk dirty online for hours to other men living in dark basements with snack food companions. Apparently, the people who write television and movies haven’t realized it’s 2011, everyone uses the internet, and one of my grandparents is on facebook. Anyway, here’s your meager helping of Thursday night TV:
8:00pm: “American Idol” on Fox. Special two hour episode.
8:30pm: “Rules of Engagement” on CBS
“Showtime Special: Ahead of Time” on Showtime
9:00pm: “The First 48” on A&E
“Man vs. Wild” on Discovery
“Million Dollar Listing” on Bravo
“Police Women of Cincinnati” on TLC. Fifth season finale.
10:00pm: “Archer” on FX. Just to let all of you know if I ever have a son that ends up being named Seamus, I blame this show.
“Beyond Scared Straight” on A&E. Another Maryland prison! Jessup women’s prison this time around. Man, my home state is not doing well on this series.
“Fairly Legal” on USA
“Jersey Shore” on MTV
“Out of the Wild” on Discovery
“The This Old House Hour” on PBS
“Babies Behind Bars” on TLC
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Robin Williams and Judy Greer
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Jerry Seinfeld, Bailee Madison, and Darlene Love
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Howard Stern and Michael Franti & Spearhead
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Neil Patrick Harris and Tomorrows Bad Seeds
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Miley Cyrus, Michael Stipe, and Lykke Li
“Last Call with Carson Daly” on NBC featuring Emmy Rossum, Jeff Tremaine, Sarah Lee Guthrie & Johnny Irion
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Diane Ravitch
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Mark W. Moffett
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Isla Fisher, Sarah Colonna, Gary Valentine, and Fortune Feimster
“Conan” on TBS featuring Emily Blunt, Martha Stewart, and Taio Cruz
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.