Paula Deen, she of the feathered hair, love of butter, ham promotion, and a growing Food Network empire, is apparently kind of a fun chick to hang out with. This past weekend was the South Beach Food and Wine Festival which I completely ignored because I don’t feel like spending upwards of $250 to watch celebrity “chefs” cook in front of large crowds of tipsy tourists. However, I found out today that Paula Deen’s presentation featured lots of wine, and subsequently Ms.Deen herself licking cream off the abs of “Restaurant: Impossible” star and former Pajiba After Dark header boy Robert Irvine before deciding to ride him like a pony. After the antics of Charlie Sheen this past week, it’s kind of nice to see a television personality getting tipsy and acting like a silly college girl rather than like an egotistic asshole with a rage problem. And, accordingly, Ms.Deen has spawned her own internet meme with her actions, chronicled here, that is much more fun and enjoyable than anything to do with tiger’s blood or winning. I promise. Here’s your Wednesday night TV:
8:00pm: “American Idol” on Fox
“America’s Next Top Model” on The CW. I hear Tyra told a bunch of girls they totally weren’t going to be on the show and then turned around and was like “Psych! You really are!” just as they were all having heart attacks. Tyra Banks is apparently that cousin that would hide in the coat closet at Christmas for hours until someone went to get their jacket and they could jump out and make whoever it was piss themselves.
“The Middle” on ABC
“American Masters: Troubadours” on PBS
“Survivor” on CBS
8:30pm: “Better With You” on ABC
“Throwdown with Bobby Flay” on Food Network
9:00pm: “Are We There Yet” on TBS
“Criminal Minds” on CBS
“Dog the Bounty Hunter” on A&E
“Ghost Hunters” on SyFy
“Inside NASCAR” on Showtime
“Man vs. Food” on Travel
“Minute to Win It” on NBC
“Modern Family” on ABC
“Shedding for the Wedding” on The CW
“Sons of Guns” on Discovery
9:30pm: “Are We There Yet” on TBS
“Great Performances: Harry Connick Jr. in Concert on Broadway” on PBS
“Traffic Light” on Fox. I’ve watched a few episodes of this and I don’t hate it. Also, it’s nice to see that Roy got his life back together after Pam left him at the altar and he got fired for threatening Jim.
“Mr.Sunshine” on ABC
10:00pm: “Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior” on CBS
“Desert Car Kings” on Discovery
“Face Off” on SyFy
“Hoarding: Buried Alive” on TLC. Second season spring premiere.
“I Used to Be Fat” on MTV. First season finale.
“Justified” on FX
“Off the Map” on ABC. Watched some of this also and… eh. It kills time. I have a weakness for soapy medical dramas since I was watching “E.R” in the fifth grade and was therefore the only 10 year old I knew with a crush on George Clooney rather than Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Guess what? I was totally right.
“Restaurant: Impossible” on Food Network
“Top Chef” on Bravo
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Donald Trump, Vanessa Hudgens, and Oh Land
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Simon Cowell, Jeff Gordon, and Travis Barker
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Hugh Laurie and Ariel Tweto
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Abigail Breslin, Mike Tyson, and Motorhead
“Last Call with Carson Daly” on NBC featuring Tom Shadyac, the Voice Project, and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Allison Stanger
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Harry Connick Jr.
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Anna Faris, Jeff Wild, Natasha Leggero, and Ross Matthews
“Conan” on TBS featuring Chelsea Handler, Anthony Mackie, and Mavis Staples
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.