I basically never have anything good to say about Tuesdays. They’re when you realize that all your big plans for the week (“I’m gonna wake up earlier than I need to! And run! And not hit the snooze button ten times! And pack a healthy lunch every day!”) aren’t going to work out because everything that seems so simple and sensible in the evening when you’re making these grand plans evaporates when the alarm goes off and your snoozy, lazy, take-out loving ass has the choice of hauling itself out of bed or spending another ten minutes warm and cozy under the covers. And you spend another day swearing at yourself as you realize you only have fifteen minutes to make yourself presentable, again, and race through getting ready inevitably forgetting something vital. Like pants. Or maybe that’s just me. Here’s your Tuesday night television:
7:00pm: “Pitchmen” on Discovery
8:00pm: “The Biggest Loser” on NBC
“Glee” on Fox
“NCIS” on CBS
“No Ordinary Family” on ABC. Really? This The Incredibles knock-off is still going strong? Ok then.
“One Tree Hill” on The CW
“135th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show” on USA. Three hour special presentation. No lie, I spent my Valentine’s night yesterday parked in front of the tv in pajama pants watching the first half of this and randomly squealing “puppies!” It was great. And I’d like to say that in the toy group, that Pomeranian was robbed, but I don’t like Pekingese. Look like goddamned waddling footstools.
9:00pm: “Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern” on Travel
“Breaking Down the Bars” on OWN. Series premiere.
“Cupcake Wars” on Food Network
“Dirty Jobs” on Discovery
“Hellcats” on The CW
“Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best” on WE
“NCIS: Los Angeles” on CBS
“Only in America with Larry the Cable Guy” on History
“Ramsay’s best Restaurant” on BBCA. First season finale.
“Raising Hope” on Fox
“Seriously Funny Kids” on Lifetime
“V” on ABC
“What Not to Wear” on ABC
9:30pm: “Traffic Light” on Fox
10:00pm: “Fabulous Cakes” on TLC
“The Game” on BET
“The Good Wife” on CBS
“Hardcore Pawn” on TruTV. Third season premiere. Didn’t the second season just end?
Why even bother with breaking it into seasons at that point?
“Lights Out” on FX
“One Born Every Minute” on Lifetime
“Our America with Lisa Ling” on OWN
“Parenthood” on NBC
“The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Dinner Party from Hell Producers’ Cut” on Bravo.
If they managed to make it more awful and awkward than “The Office’s” dinner party
episode I’m a little afraid that people like that actually exist.
“Southland” on TNT
“Teen Mom” on MTV
“Detroit 187” on ABC
10:30pm: “The Onion Sportsdome” on Comedy Central
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Forest Whitaker, Irina Shayk, and Josh Groban
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Liam Neeson, Dave Salmoni, and Gretchen Wilson
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Jeremy Renner, Eric Stonestreet, and Black Dub
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring William Shatner
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Victoria Beckham, Jeff Probst, Joe Mauer, and Drive-By Truckers
“Last Call with Carson Daly” on NBC featuring Kevin Smith, Alex Pardee, and A Perfect Circle
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring January Jones
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Christiane Amanpour and David Albright
“Chelsea Lately” on E fetauring Cyndi Lauper, Jo Koy, Fortune Feimster, and John Caparulo
“Conan” on TBS featuring Dr.Phil McGraw, Ginnifer Goodwin, and Jump City: Seattle
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.