Today is Valentine’s Day, which means… next to nothing unless you want it to, really. I remember hearing all about kindly St.Valentine who gave poor girls money anonymously so they could have a dowry and get married but apparently that’s a load of shit. Also: has nothing to do with flowers or greeting cards and everything to do with random acts of kindness which is absolutely not one of the messages that has persisted in the face of overpriced dinners and flowers. There are actually 14 recorded Saints called Valentine and not one of them still has a feast day on the Roman Catholic calender or the Greek Orthodox calender. Basically, you can make up anything you want as a “Valentine’s day tradition” and no one can prove you wrong. I’m not saying I dislike Valentine’s Day, I appreciate any excuse for chocolate and flowers, but I’d appreciate if the whole mess got the volume turned down a bit, you know? I know there’s some people that will just hate it no matter what because they’re like that, but I’d be perfectly happy if we just stopped pretending that an arbitrarily designated day in February was some sort of universal test of whether you’re loved or not. Here’s your Monday night TV:
8:00pm: “90210” on The CW
“Antiques Roadshow” on PBS
“Bait Car” on TruTV. Fourth season premiere. Ok, a while ago I read a book that featured a plot with a reality TV show producer who had a show where they’d plant “bait cars” around the city and if the person who stole the car could evade the police for a certain amount of time they got to keep the car and I really can’t remember the title of the book and it’s frustrating the hell out of me. Also, reality TV is goddamn near parody proof, but I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned that before.
“Chuck” on NBC
“Enough Already with Peter Walsh” on OWN
“House” on Fox
“How I Met Your Mother” on CBS
“Pretty Little Liars” on ABC Family
“The Unpoppables” on TLC
“135th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show” on USA
“You’re Cut Off” on VH1.
8:30pm: “Mad Love” on CBS. Series premiere. I don’t think it’s a good sign if the name of your new romantic comedy sounds like the way Vanilla Ice would describe the feelings he has for his new high-tops.
“The Unpoppables’ on TLC
9:00pm: “All Worked Up’ on TruTV
“American Pickers” on History. Second season finale.
“The Bad Girls Club” on Oxygen
“Being Human” on SyFy
“Cake Boss” on TLC
“The Cape” on NBC
“The Chicago Code” on Fox
“Gossip Girl” on The CW
“Greek” on ABC Family
“When Strangers Click: Five Stories From the Internet” on HBO2. Are some of you on this? I know there’s a few Paji-couples out there.
“Searching For…” on OWN. Series premiere.
“Top Gear” on BBCA
“Two and a Half Men” on CBS
“WWE: RAW” on USA
9:30pm: “Mike and Molly” on USA
10:00pm: “19 Kids and Counting” on TLC
“Castle” on ABC
“Fashion Police” on E. Ripping apart last night’s Grammy fashions, which is kind of easy pickin’s. I will go against the grain and say that I laughed with glee at Nicki Minaj’s head to toe leopard print, because I’m pretty sure that girl knew EXACTLY what the hell she was doing.
“Harry’s Law” on NBC
“Hawaii Five-0” on CBS
“Heavy” on A&E
“In the Bedroom with Dr.Laura Berman” on OWN
“Lizard Lick Towing” on TruTV
“Pawn Star$” on History
“Rupaul’s Drag Race” on Logo
“Shatner’s Raw Nerve” on Bio
“Skins” on MTV
“Tabatha’s Salon Takeover” on Bravo
“The X Life” on VH1
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Tom Brokaw, Theophilius London, and some Sports Illustrated swimsuit models
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Lady Gaga, Sofia Vergara, and John Legend
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Martin Lawrence, Dianna Agron, and Jewel
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Bob Barker and Melissa Rauch
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring January Jones, Mike Birbiglia, and Greyson Chance
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Edward Glaeser
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring LCD Soundsystem
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Justin Bieber, Heather McDonald, Jim Norton, and Ross Matthews
“Conan” on TBS featuring Justin Bieber, Claire Smith, and the Black Keys
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.