Yay for Fake Holidays!
Happy Valentine’s Day, Pajiba! I know some of you out there are not fans, but I can’t hate on a holiday dedicated to telling the people in your life that you care about them. I can, however, hate on the idea pushed by the media that telling people you care about them must somehow involve over priced chocolates, mass produced jewelry, fancy dinners, or other gaudy red and pink shit. Not that there’s anything wrong with liking those things, but if a boy I was dating took me out on what is the most crowded restaurant night of the year after presenting me with a large red box of sub-par chocolate accompanied by an un-imaginative bouquet and capped off the whole evening with a necklace that he went to Jared for, I think my response would along the lines of “Have you met me?”. In a nutshell, good concept, bad execution. I know that I will be spending this Valentine’s Day watching the Olympics with the company of booze and brownies and I hope all the rest of you have similarly spiritually and culinarily satisfying evenings planned. Here’s what’s going to be on television:
7:00pm: “60 Minutes” on CBS
“America’s Funniest Home Videos” on ABC
“Olympic Winter Games” on NBC
“‘Til Death” on Fox
7:30pm: “‘Til Death” on Fox
8:00pm: “The Amazing Race” on CBS. 16th season premiere.
“America’s Funniest Home Videos” on ABC. New episode at a special time. I’m betting one of these episodes is Valentine’s Day themed.
“Discovery Special: Nasty by Nature” on Discovery. I honestly have no idea what this might be and I’m both intrigued and repulsed by the possibilities I can come up with based on the title.
“Ruby: Ruby’s Road to Recovery” on Style. Third season premiere.
“The Simpsons” on Fox.
8:30pm: “The Cleveland Show” on Fox
9:00pm: “Big Love” on HBO
“Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” on ABC. Two hour episode at a special time.
“Family Guy” on Fox.
“Sexting in America: When Privates Go Public” on MTV. Aside from having an absolutely hilarious title, I find the decision to air this on Valentine’s Day particularly funny. I can only imagine all the poor teenage couples who, as their parents drive them home from their Valentine’s “date”, will be ambushed with questions about sexting. I really just feel bad for teenagers that they can make bad decisions that can be disseminated to a large group of people so quickly and easily. Seriously, sexting is no less dumb than all the other shit teens have gotten up to over the years, but the nature of cell phones means that there’s so much more potential for social damage and harassment.
“Sextistics: Your Love Life” on TLC. I guess this is giving all those couples out there some benchmarks to shoot for and all us singles more ways to feel bad about our current state of singledom.
“Tool Academy” on VH1. 90 minute third season premiere.
“Undercover Boss: Hooters” on CBS. Timeslot premiere.
9:30pm: “American Dad” on Fox
10:00pm: “Ax Men” on History
“Cold Case” on CBS. New time slot.
“Tyrannosaurus Sex” on Discovery. Really? I mean… really? Ok then.
“How to Make it in America” on HBO. Series premiere.
“Keeping up with the Kardashians” on E!
“Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane: Kimora’s Home Movies: Baby Kenzo’s Birth” on Style. Special presentation. I submit that we revoke all colons from the Style channel until they quit abusing them. Read that however you want to.
“Las Vegas Jailhouse” on TruTV
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures. You can also follow her at twitter.com/rustyheadedgirl, but she’s bad at twitter so you probably don’t want to.