None of You Are Getting Near Me With a Scalpel
Yesterday I got a new TV to replace the one I’ve owned since 2005, which was some old CRT thing I picked up for not much money and which had (unfortunately) survived being dropped last fall with a few scratches and a funny patch on one side of the screen that glowed either green or purple, depending on how much it wanted to annoy me. My new TV, which I already adore, is a Vizio 32” web enabled 1080p HDTV and I’m only telling you that because I’m the kind of person who feels the need to brag about new gadgets for at least two or three days after I buy them and proper bragging requires that I list off all of those details. I really do like it though, everything looks so much better on it. Here’s the TV that I will be enjoying in gloriously crisp fashion this evening:
8:00pm: “American Idol” on Fox. Are they seriously still on the auditions round? How many people can they possibly take? This is probably because I don’t watch the show, but I swear every year I’m always shocked at how long it actually is and the fact that millions of people continue to watch something that sounds to me like it’s less interesting than paint drying.
“The Big Bang Theory” on CBS
“Community” on NBC
“The Vampire Diaries” on The CW
“Wipeout: Winter Wipeout” on ABC
8:30pm: “Bleep My Dad Says” on CBS
“Perfect Couples” on NBC
9:00pm: “Bones” on Fox
“CSI” on CBS
“The First 48” on A&E
“Grey’s Anatomy” on ABC
“Million Dollar Listing” on Bravo
“Nikita” on The CW
“The Office” on NBC
“Police Women of Cincinnati” on TLC
“Royal Pains” on USA. My next purchase may have to be TiVo because I swear, the commercial for this where the one guy says “What’s a concierge doctor?” and that girl goes “It’s the doctor of the future!” bugs the hell out of me. Seriously? Being a doctor on beck and call for fabulously wealthy people is the future of health care? What the hell are all us poor people supposed to do then? I’m positive that’s not the intent, but it’s what I think about.
9:30pm: “Parks and Recreation” on NBC
10:00pm: “30 Rock” on NBC
“Ace of Cakes” on Food Network
“Archer” on FX
“Beyond Scared Straight” on A&E. First season finale.
“Fairly Legal” on USA
“Jersey Shore” on MTV
“The Mentalist” on CBS
“The This Old House Hour” on PBS
“Private Practice” on ABC. However, you can bet your ass that no matter how bad my health care situation gets, I’m never going to a clinic like this one where it seems like every single doctor is a complete and total basket case. At least at the hospital on “Grey’s Anatomy” most of the doctors are still pretty good doctors even if they’re shit at actually talking to people.
10:30pm: “Outsourced” on NBC
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Bryan Ferry
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Rob Lowe, Amber Riley, and Nicki Minaj
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Justin Bieber and Travis Barker featuring Game and Swizz Beats
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Jennifer Beals
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Jennifer Aniston, Piers Morgan, and whoever wins this week’s “Top Chef” challenge
“Last Call with Carson Daly” on NBC featuring Diplo, Laurie Ann Gibson, and Alberta Cross
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Jennifer Beals, Josh Wolf, Loni Love, and Mo Mandel
“Conan” on TBS featuring Seth MacFarlane, Brooklyn Decker, and Dana Gould
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.