It’s officially a month into 2011 now, so all of us can take a step back and see where we’re standing on all those wonderful New Year’s resolutions that seemed so noble and important four weeks ago. Well, not me. I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions because when you manage to sprain an ankle and break a finger on New Year’s Eve, I think that counts as a massive goddamn hint about what the universe has to say about your near future. In my case, what it was mostly saying was that I’d spend the first several weeks of 2011 alternately frustrated and in pain, with a high chance of having a finger that will be stuck at an angle best described as “jaunty.” You should all be so lucky. So let’s hear how the resolutions are or aren’t coming along and in the meantime here’s your Monday night TV:
8:00pm: “90210” on The CW
“Antiques Roadshow” on PBS
“The Bachelor” on ABC. How much longer do you think this show will last? Who still watches it? Grandmothers? People who love trainwreck TV but aren’t quite trashy enough to go whole hog and switch over to “Jersey Shore?” I’m honestly curious.
“Chuck” on NBC
“Enough Already with Peter Walsh” on OWN
“Human Target” on Fox. This is airing instead of “House” so Fox can save time and piss off the fan bases of two shows at the same time. Ingenious!
“Pretty Little Liars” on ABC Family
9:00pm: “American Chopper” on Discovery
“American Pickers” on History
“Being Human” on SyFy
“Cake Boss” on TLC. One hour fourth season premiere.
“The Cape” on NBC
“Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives” on Food Network
“Gossip Girl” on The CW
“Greek” on ABC Family
“Intervention” on A&E
“Lie to Me” on Fox. Third season finale.
“Greely Expedition: American Experience” on PBS
“Taken From Me: The Tiffany Rubin Story” on Lifetime. Original telefilm depicting a woman’s struggle to get her son back after his biological father abducts him to North Korea. Starring Taraji P. Henson, who really needs a better agent. Still, kudos to Lifetime for breaking the “Pretty White Girl in Peril” trend of their movies.
“WWE RAW” on USA
“You’re Cut Off” on VH1
10:00pm: “19 Kids and Counting” on TLC
“Harry’s Law” on NBC
“Heavy” on A&E. Strange programming note: both already aired episodes and the three that are airing this week and the two after all take place in Texas. Not sayin’, just saying.
“In the Bedroom with Dr.Laura Berman” on OWN
“Pawn Star$” on History
“RuPaul’s Drag Race” on Logo
“Shatner’s Raw Nerve” on Bio. Third season premiere.
“Skins” on MTV
“Tabatha’s Salon Takeover” on Bravo
“The X-Life” on VH1
10:30pm: “19 Kids and Counting” on TLC
“Pawn Star$” on History
“Shatner’s Raw Nerve” on Bio
11:00pm: “Lifetime Special: Beyond the Headlines: The Tiffany Rubin Story” on Lifetime
“Rupaul’s Drag Race: Untucked” on Logo
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Justin Bieber, Pauley Perrette, and Best Coast
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Adam Sandler, Larry the Cable Guy, and Esperanza Spalding
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Julianna Marguiles, Matthew Bomer, and the JaneDear Girls
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Rachael Ray
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Bill Paxton, Adam Scott, and Edie Brickell
“Last Call with Carson Daly” on NBC featuring Lemmy Kilmister, Ryan Case, and Delta Spirit
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Bill Gates
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Samer Shehata and Dr.Paul Offit
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Kevin Smith, Brad Wollack, Dov Davidoff, and Natasha Leggero
“Conan” on TBS featuring Amy Poehler, Tim Heidecker & Eric Wareheim, and Randy Rogers Band
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures. She intends to milk that proximal phalanx injury as much as humanly possible.