Tonight’s State of the Union address will be interrupting all that great Tuesday night TV like… shoot. I honestly can’t think of anything. I mean, “Glee” but it’s not back from hiatus yet and I wouldn’t really call it “great.” More, “somewhat reliably entertaining.” Most of the other shows people like to watch on Tuesday nights are on cable networks so they won’t be affected by the speech. Really, the biggest TV decision Americans have to make tonight is if they feel that the amount of smug they’ll get out of actually watching the State of the Union out weighs the enjoyment offered by such timeless shows as “Hellcats” or the series premiere of “Joan and Melissa.” Choose wisely. Here’s your Tuesday night TV:
7:00pm: “Pitchmen” on Discovery. Seems like the classy thing to do would have been to end the show after the death of Billy Mays. But thoughts like that are why I don’t work in TV.
8:00pm: “The Biggest Loser” on NBC
“One Tree Hill” on The CW
“Pioneers of Television” on PBS
9:00pm: “State of the Union Address” on ABC, CBS, Fox, and NBC. The first three networks are advertising this at an hour and a half, NBC says two hours.
“Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern” on Travel
“Cupcake Wars” on Food Network
“Dirty Jobs” on Discovery
“Hellcats” on The CW
“Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best” on WE. Series premiere. I think the highlight of this will be watching Joan Rivers trying to make any kind of facial expression. Woman is like a walking advertisement for staying off the botox. I’d rather have wrinkles than spend my twilight years looking like something molded out of plasticine.
“Ramsay’s Best Restaurant” on BBCA
10:00pm: “Auction Kings” on Discovery
“Chopped” on Food Network
“The Fashion Show” on Bravo. Second season finale.
“The Game” on BET
“Hardcore Pawn” on TruTV
“Lights Out” on FX
“Southland” on TNT
“A Stand Up Mother” on WE. Series premiere.
“Teen mom” on MTV
“Tosh.0” on Comedy Central
“White Collar” on USA
Late Night Listings
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Jason Statham, Melissa McCarthy, and White Lies
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Anthony Hopkins, Hailee Steinfeld, and Delta Spirit. I might watch this just for Hailee Steinfeld even though I haven’t seen True Grit yet because I hear she’s being considered for the part of Katniss in the upcoming Hunger Games movies, which will inevitably fall far short of the books but I hear good things about Ms.Steinfeld so that’s comforting. Also, she looks the part far more than Chloe Moretz, who is also awesome in her own way but completely wrong for Katniss. I take the casting of YA literature characters very seriously.
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jon Lovitz, and Erik Ekstrand & Mackan Edlund
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring James Franco
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Amy Chua
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Piers Morgan, Chris Hardwick, Rove McManus, and Heather McDonald
“Conan” on TBS featuring Patton Oswalt, Steven Ho, and Wanda Jackson
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures. She promises to stop bitching about her cast at least two days after it’s taken off.