Wait, If You're From Venus… Why Are You White?
In all the mess last week about my arm and certain food products and TV personalities which will go unnamed, I forgot to mention that I somehow managed to misplace an entire box of contacts and have had to wear my glasses most days while I wait for the replacements to come. So, how do all of you who wear glasses all the time deal with it? The loss of my peripheral vision is freaking me out and giving me some really interesting headaches. Any tips on how to feel less like I’m missing about half my normal field of vision while I wait the five days it’s going to take the new contacts to get here would be much appreciated. Here’s your Sunday night TV:
7:00pm: “America’s Funniest Home Videos” on ABC
“Dateline” on NBC
7:30pm: “American Dad” on Fox
8:00pm: “Basketball Wives” on VH1
“Apocalypse How” on Discovery
“Extreme Makeover” on ABC
“Food Network Challenge: Stand Up Comedy Cakes” on Food Network. I’m thinking this franchise has run out of ideas and is picking ideas by flipping through late night TV.
“Jerseylicious” on Style
“Mean Girls 2” on ABC Family. WHY?!? I just… this… it’s… BUT NO!!! I want one of those memory wiper lights from Men In Black so I can go back to a time when I didn’t know this existed. (I thought about going with a “Stop trying to make ‘Mean Girls 2’ happen” bit, but I figured that was far too obvious. Clearly, a reference to a nearly 14 year old Will Smith movie was the way to go.)
“Birds of the Gods” on PBS
“Ask Oprah’s All Stars #4” on OWN
“The Simpsons” on Fox
8:30pm: “Bob’s Burgers” on Fox
9:00pm: “Ax Men” on History
“Big Love” on HBO
“Bridalplasty” on E
“Californication” on Showtime
“Family Guy” on Fox
“Masterpiece!: Downton Abbey” on PBS
“My 40 Year Old Child” on TLC
“What Chilli Wants” on VH1
“Worst Cooks in America” on Food Network
9:30pm: “Brandy and Ray J” on VH1
“The Cleveland Show” on Fox
“Episodes” on Showtime
10:00pm: “Hawaii Five-0” on CBS
“Hogs Gone Wild” on Discovery. I’m not sure taking title inspiration from soft-core porn is really the best decision, but for the moment I’m hoping that this has the same cheesy steel drum soundtrack that all the “Girls Gone Wild” commercials feature.
“Iron Chef America” on Food Network
“Kourtney and Kim Take New York” on E. Forty minute series premiere.
“The Real Housewives of Atlanta”on Bravo.
“Shameless” on Showtime
“Extreme Births” on TLC. What the hell? Are the women sky-diving or snow-boarding while in labor? I’m both very frightened and intrigued.
“Top Gear” on History. First season finale.
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures. She promises to stop bitching about her cast at least two days after it’s taken off.