SO, um… that happened. Anyway, there’s some different stuff happening tonight; a couple shows got moved around (“Bones” and “30 Rock”) a couple new shows are premiering (“Fairly Legal” and “Perfect Couples”), and perhaps most importantly I’m doing my absolute damndest not to mention any sort of food products that may or may not be made with tortillas and which are most assuredly not the native food of any US commonwealths. Even though I kind of wanted to because Ms.Shahi in the picture over there used to be on “The L-Word” and there’s some really terrible and salacious puns to be made, perhaps some involving specifically flavored kisses but NO! None of that. Here’s your Thursday night TV:
8:00pm: “American Idol” on Fox.
“The Big Bang Theory” on CBS
“Community” on NBC
“Wipeout: Winter Wipeout” on ABC. I’m thinking I might actually watch this. It’s been one of those days where watching people get flung into a pool unexpectedly sounds like a good time.
8:30pm: “Bleep My Dad Can’t Actually Say on Network TV” on CBS
“Perfect Couples” on NBC. Series premiere. I know some of you guys out there like that Olivia Munn lady, and she’s on this show. It looks terrible though, even the website lists one couple as “normal” one as “high-drama” and the other as “perfect.” They sound like casting descriptions rather than a show synopsis.
9:00pm: “Bones” on Fox. Alert! New time slot to accommodate the thing with that person I’m not going to mention anymore. Also, it will probably start a few minutes late so you can watch more terrible singers and heartbreaking success stories.
“CSI” on CBS
“The First 48” on A&E
“Masters of Survival” on Discovery. Series premiere.
“The Office” on NBC
“Police Women of Cincinnati” on TLC
“The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” on Bravo. First season finale.
“Royal Pains” on USA. Second season winter premiere.
9:30pm: “A President to Remember: In the Company of John F. Kennedy” on HBO. I’m betting Kennedy wouldn’t have quite the same legacy if he’d been alive in the age of Facebook. Hell, he probably never would’ve made it to being president. What I’m saying here is virtually my entire generation is unelectable by current standards. Wheeeee!
“Parks and Recreation” on NBC. Third season premiere.
10:00pm: “30 Rock” on NBC. Alert! Also in a new time slot!
“Ace of Cakes” on Food Network
“Beyond Scared Straight” on A&E
“Brad Meltzer’s Decoded” on History
“Fairly Legal” on USA. 75 min. They’ve been running promos for this forever and so I can tell you it’s about a pretty girl (Sarah Shahi) who gives up being a lawyer for being a “mediator” but still managed to afford both law school and Christian Louboutin shoes. Oh, also, she’s sleeping with Anders only I don’t think he’s Anders in this series.
“Jersey Shore” on MTV
“The Mentalist” on CBS
10:30pm: “Outsourced” on NBC
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Kaley Cuoco, Piers Morgan, and Wanda Jackson with Jack White
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Ben Affleck and the Decemberists
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC featuring Ryan Gosling, Kourtney Kardashian, and Ra Ra Riot
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Maria Bello and Dan Riskin
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Ashton Kutcher, Fred Armisen, Dismemberment Plan
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Kambiz Hosseini & Saman Arbabi
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Chris Matthews
Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Matt LeBlanc, Chris Franjola, Dan Levy, and Diablo Cody
“Conan” on TBS featuring William H Macy, Marc Maron, and Aloe Blacc
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures. She promises to stop bitching about her cast at least two days after it’s taken off.