I’d like to thank all of you who said nice things on Thursday when I told the story of my broken pinkie and thank even more those of you who offered me pain killers. Really, it doesn’t hurt that badly most of the time. If I don’t think about it. Or move that side of my left hand. Anyway, what’s important is that after all the excitement of the Golden Globes I am back to tell you about what boring, ordinary TV you can watch alone with no one to live chat with. I have such an awesome job. Here’s your Monday night TV:
8:00 PM: “Antiques Roadshow” on PBS
“The Bachelor” on ABC
“The Bad Girls Club” on Oxygen
“Chuck” on NBC
“Enough Already with Peter Walsh” on OWN
“House” on Fox
“How I Met Your Mother” on CBS. Hopefully this episode won’t emotionally destroy you.
“Pretty Little Liars” on ABC Family
8:30 PM: “Rules of Engagement” on CBS
9:00 PM: “American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior” on Discovery
“American Pickers” on HISTORY. Honestly, I hate this title because it conjures up all sorts of images I associate with picking and… let’s just say they’re not all positive things.
“Being Human” on SYFY. Series premiere. Cause all that supernatural vampire, werewolf, whatever shit is so hot right now. Still. For reasons which are beyond me.
“Bridalplasty” on E!
“The Cape” on NBC
“Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives” on Food Network
“Greek” on ABC Family
“Intervention” on A&E
“Jersey Shore” on MTV
“Lie to Me” on FOX
“The Next Great Baker on TLC
“Dinosaur Wars: American Experience” on PBS. I really hope the alternate title for this was “Paleontologist Death Match.”
“Two and a Half Men” on CBS
“WWE: Raw” on USA
“You’re Cut Off” on VH1
9:30 PM: “Mike and Molly” on CBS
10:00 PM: “Fashion Police: The 2011 Golden Globes” on E!
“Harry’s Law” on NBC. Series premiere.
“Hawaii Five-0” on CBS
“Heavy” on A&E. Series premiere. Listen, I’m going to say this based on the commercials I’ve seen and not based on any preconceived notions about weight or eating or blah blah, but you know how “Hoarders” makes most of us want to clean? I’m wondering if this show will cause viewers to compulsively do sit ups while eating celery. By the way, I already know I’m going to hell.
“In the Bedroom with Laura Berman” on OWN
“Dragtastic NYC” on Logo
“The Opener” on TLC
“Pawn Star$” on History
“After The Wall: A World United” on PBS
“Skins” on MTV. Series premiere.
“The X-Life” on VH1
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Jack Hanna and Steven Tyler
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Gordan Ramsay, Kathleen Madigan, and Maroon 5
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Rashida Jones and Tony Goldwyn
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Peter Bergen
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring Sherry Turkle
“Chelsea Lately” on E featuring Denis Leary, Josh Wolf, Natasha Leggero, and Jason Sklar
“Conan” on TBS featuring Cameron Diaz, Dax Shepard, and My Chemical Romance
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures. She promises to stop bitching about her cast at least two days after it’s taken off.