Just Get a Bumper Sticker That Says "I'm a Rich Jerk"
Now that I have a job that I have to drive to, I’ve noticed certain things about commuting which cause me irrational levels of annoyance. I’m not talking about bad driving; watching someone merge across three lanes of traffic without signaling at 70mph only to slam on the brakes when they get in front of you because the person in front of THEM is only going 40mph is going to piss off anyone. (Side note: you ever notice how no one ever thinks they’re a bad driver? Everyone always thinks they’re an awesome driver and it’s all those other idiots who are the problem. No one ever says “Yeah, I don’t signal. I’m just an asshole like that.”) I mean the stuff that has absolutely no bearing on your life but you can’t help but notice and form an opinion on. In my case, it’s people using their Maseratis and Lamborghinis to commute. There are so many things that I could say about why it’s just ugly and wrong to use beautiful machines like that to creep up US-1 at 20mph, but this is not the place for that. So! Share your petty annoyances below and here’s your Thursday night television:
7:30pm: “Thursday Night College Football: Nebraska at Kansas State” on ESPN
8:00pm: “Animal Planet Special: Texas Rodeo Tykes” on Animal Planet
“The Big Bang Theory” on CBS
“Bones” on Fox. The title for this episode involves the word “maggots” so fair warning to all of you with weak stomachs. Then again, I’m pretty sure anyone with a weak stomach would’ve bailed on “Bones” a while ago, perhaps around the dude crushed by the bleachers through a grating. Or the dude in the outhouse. Or maybe the chick flattened between cardboard boxes. Bottom line is that this isn’t a show for the easily nauseated.
“Community” on NBC
“The This Old House Hour” on PBS. This is still around? Huh. Ok then.
“The Vampires Diaries” on The CW
8:30pm: “30 Rock” on NBC
“Bleep My Dad Says” on CBS. The “Bleep” in this title makes me want to play games with it where I put in random words that aren’t “shit” just for giggles and because it’s a stupid goddamn title. Also because everyone KNOWS what that “bleep” is supposed to stand for, so just come out and say it and quit being coy about it. But they won’t, so now I will consider it my own blank canvas to do with what I please.
9:00pm: “American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior” on TLC
“CSI: First Blood” on CBS
“Destination Truth” on SyFy
“The First 48” on A&E
“Fringe” on Fox
“Grey’s Anatomy” on ABC
“The Promise: The Making of Darkness on The Edge of Town” on HBO
“Nikita” on The CW
“The Office” on NBC
“Project Runway” on Lifetime
“The Real Housewives of DC” on Bravo. 75 minute first season finale.
9:30pm: “Outsourced” on NBC
“MLB Division Series: Atlanta Braves at San Francisco Giants” on TBS
10:00pm: “The Apprentice” on NBC
“The First 48” on A&E
“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” on FX
“Jersey Shore” on MTV
“Kick Off Cook Off” on TLC. Series premiere.
“The Mentalist” on CBS
“Private Practice” on ABC. I tend to see about two minutes of this show every week as I’m trying to figure out what to watch after the hilarity of “Grey’s Anatomy” and it always makes me feel better about the fact that I watch “Grey’s Anatomy” because at least I’m not watching THAT shit. Oh, Addison, what have they done to you?
10:15pm: “Watch What Happens” on Bravo. 45 minute episode at a special time.
10:30pm: “Kick Off Cook Off” on TLC
“The League” on FX
“On the Road with Austin and Santino” on Lifetime
Late Night Listings
“The Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS featuring Stephen Colbert, Johnny Knoxville, and Gorillaz
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on NBC featuring Katherine Heigl, Ben Rappaport, and Meat Loaf
“The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on CBS featuring Toby Keith and Louie Anderson
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” on NBC featuring Jane Lynch, Emma Roberts, and Pete Yorn
“Last Call with Carson Daly” on NBC featuring David Cross, Tift Merritt, and Matt & Kim
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Comedy Central featuring Naomi Watts
“The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central featuring David Guggenheim
Intern Rusty is a Masters student at the University of Miami. You can learn more about her at Rusty’s Ventures.