Yesterday, details spilled out that Michelle Williams and her man-child, Jason Segel, had split. In fact, they’d split about a month ago, citing the strains of a long-distance relationship. The two had been together for, like, 11 months, and their break-up is devastating to the perfect couple community, especially because during their relationship, the photos always seemed to include Williams and Segel merrily frolicking with Williams’ child from her marriage to Heath Ledger. Man, it’s totally going to be a Jerry Maguire situation: No one wants to lose the guy who wrote The Muppets as a potential step-father.
Let’s take a moment and grieve over the loss.
Oh, wait? What? Rachel McAdams and Michael Sheen split up, too? Jesus. Come on! Of all the faces of Michael Sheen, you couldn’t be happy with at least one of them? Poor McAdams: Spending her life trying to fill the gaping, pocket-sized hole left by her break-up with Ryan Gosling.
The good news, at least, is that … nope. There is no good news. Let us all wallow in the sadness we feel for these people we have never met, but who look really good on our screens, big and small. There is no meaning left in the world, except of course the meaning we create for ourselves.