'I'm White--Should I Use the N-Word?' We Help You Decide

By Courtney Enlow | Miscellaneous | March 11, 2015 |

By Courtney Enlow | Miscellaneous | March 11, 2015 |

Here at Pajiba, we’re all about helping you be your best self, whether it’s helping you select Halloween costumes or ensuring you really want to make that comment. Lately, the topic of white people saying the N-word has been in the news, so we thought this would be just another terrific chance for us to help navigate this questionable terrain. Fer fun!

“So,” you ask, “as a white person, should I say the N-word?”

“Even if I’m a terrible piece-of-shit racist Oklahoma frat boy?”

“I mean, what if I sing a song about it? That’s cool, I’m sure. Go Sigma Alpha Epsilon! SAE FOR LIFE, BRO! Also, my parents swear I’m totally not racist.”

“OK, well, what if I’m Lindsay Lohan? Also, I already tweeted it.”

“Let’s say I’m Gwyneth Paltrow. That’s cool then, right?”

“Well then what if it’s just little old me, John Mayer? I’m your boy! Johnny May May! I have a hood pass, you know!”

“Fine. I guess I won’t say it then. You sure like saying no, don’t you?”

I hope this helps in making proper life decisions. Like Nelly, The Not-Racist Narwhal (she’s a children’s character I hope to trademark at some point) says, “Be a buddy. Don’t be a racist sack of cocks.” (Catchphrase pending aforementioned trademark.)