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I'm Aaron Sorkin, Bitch (Part II)

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | December 8, 2010 |

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | December 8, 2010 |

Yesterday over on HuffPo, Aaron Sorkin wrote a vicious piece on Sarah Palin, in response to her shooting and killing a Caribou on her TLC reality show, “Alaska.” It needs to be read in full to fully appreciate it, but here’s the most I’m allowed to fully quote without running afoul of fair use laws (actually, it probably does run afoul, but fuck it):

I eat meat, chicken and fish, have shoes and furniture made of leather, and PETA is not ever going to put me on the cover of their brochure and for these reasons Palin thinks it’s hypocritical of me to find what she did heart-stoppingly disgusting. I don’t think it is, and here’s why.

Like 95% of the people I know, I don’t have a visceral (look it up) problem eating meat or wearing a belt. But like absolutely everybody I know, I don’t relish the idea of torturing animals. I don’t enjoy the fact that they’re dead and I certainly don’t want to volunteer to be the one to kill them and if I were picked to be the one to kill them in some kind of Lottery-from-Hell, I wouldn’t do a little dance of joy while I was slicing the animal apart.

I’m able to make a distinction between you and me without feeling the least bit hypocritical. I don’t watch snuff films and you make them. You weren’t killing that animal for food or shelter or even fashion, you were killing it for fun. You enjoy killing animals. I can make the distinction between the two of us but I’ve tried and tried and for the life of me, I can’t make a distinction between what you get paid to do and what Michael Vick went to prison for doing. I’m able to make the distinction with no pangs of hypocrisy even though I get happy every time one of you faux-macho shitheads accidentally shoots another one of you in the face.

So I don’t think I will save my condemnation, you phony pioneer girl. (I’m in film and television, Cruella, and there was an insert close-up of your manicure while you were roughing it in God’s country. I know exactly how many feet off camera your hair and make-up trailer was.)

And you didn’t just do it for fun and you didn’t just do it for money. That was the first moose ever murdered for political gain.

The only thing that would’ve made that better would’ve been if Martin Sheen had delivered it after Sarah Palin had suggested gays were an abomination. “In this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.”

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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