A new scientific study was released today, which determined — once and for all — the average penis size. Apparently, scientist used over 15,000 data points (is that code for “dicks”?) and determined that the average erect penis is 5.2 inches in length and 4.6 inches in girth. Meanwhile, the average flaccid weiner is 3.6 inches in length and 3.7 inches in girth.
Now you know. The study was interesting, and it’s also gone viral, which means thousands and thousands of comments, dick jokes, puns, and miscellania. I was far more interested in the comments in these articles than the study itself, and I welcome you all to add to them.
Here were some of my favorites from around the Web (including my favorite header image, above). I tried to refrain from the completely troglodytic comments that made up the majority of the responses.
— Just made the cut.
— Winter can be a harsh variable.
— The research is flawed. One of the nurses involved in the measuring became distressed and cried out “It’s gruesome!”. Moments later her colleague was heard to say: “And now it’s grown some more”.
— I find this news is hard to swallow.
(This guy, from CNBC, managed to find a way to make it about Obama).
— Obama must be 10 times this size because the way he’s sticking to the country is definitely leaving a mark. The worst part is that he doesn’t even kiss me first before he does it.
— The researchers were just dicking around with figures.
— “This type of concern is commonly known as ‘small penis anxiety’ or ‘small penis syndrome.’ // Or in colloquial terms, NRA members.
— This is why the mirror over my bed says “objects are larger than they appear”
— Now this is an article I can sink my teeth into!
— I’m a bit disappointed to see that the study did not touch upon what the average amount of fur at the end of the tip is.
— Another “get out the dick ruler” article on Slate.
— I hate those emails where they try to sell you member enhancers. I got 10 just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. But it’s the two from my mum that really hurt.
— She said, “Sir, I don’t think much of your organ.” I said, “Madam, I usually perform in a chapel, not a cathedral.”
— I can’t help feeling you’re stretching the truth in this article. Please try and keep a grip on reality and report the hard facts. I wouldn’t want my opinion of the Daily Mail to go down.