How a Lady Should Respond When a Man Tells Her to Smile: A Pajiba Etiquette Lesson

Hillary Clinton is a lawyer who studied at Yale Law School. She’s a former US senator, served as Secretary of State, and is quite possibly our first female president. But she’s also a woman. And that means her actual true purpose is to be endearing and accommodating to menfolk.

Smile. You just had a big night. #PrimaryDay

— Joe Scarborough (@JoeNBC) March 16, 2016

God dammit, Hillary. YOU HAD ONE JOB. Ladies, I am here to help ensure none of us ever again forget our true place.

When a man asks you to smile, here are the steps you should follow:

Step 1: Be a person who identifies as female.

Good. Great start. Congratulations, you are instantly lesser. Well done.

Step 2: Lift the corners of your mouth so it forms a ‘U’ shape. This is called a smile.

This is the preferred resting face for a female. It makes you pleasing to the eye and nonthreatening.

There. Good job.

Now, the next step has several options you can choose from.

Step 3a: Unhinge your jaw and swallow him whole.

Step 3b: Become a secret evil Russian woman masquerading as a child.

Step 3c: Try the unhinged jaw thing again. It’s fairly dependable.

Step 3d: Make him a nice dinner.

Step 3e: Make sure to hold your smile in place so he sees it.

Step 3f: Is it your hair? Maybe you need a haircut.

Step 3g: Maybe give him a little dance. Men like that.

Step 3h: Make sure your makeup and hair look pretty.

Step 3i: Give him a little kiss.

Step 3j: If all else fails, become a squirrel monster.

There. Now that’s a nice girl.

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