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FMK: Michael Shannon, Michael Sheen, Michael K. Williams

By Rebecca Pahle | Miscellaneous | March 9, 2017 |

By Rebecca Pahle | Miscellaneous | March 9, 2017 |

Part of being a good capital-J Journalist is knowing which questions to ask. The question I am asking you to consider today, dear readers, is a very important one. So important it may very well shape the future of the world as we know it:

Fuck Marry Kill: Michael Shannon, Michael Sheen, Michael Kenneth Williams

The breakdown:

Michael Sheen
Sexually attractive in way that is as inscrutable as it is undeniable.
Was in the greatest movie ever made.
Has dated and/or married Kate Beckinsale, Rachel McAdams, and Sarah Silverman, so probably has a magic dick.
Opened all our eyes about Wesley Snipes.

Michael Shannon
Talented as fuck.
Also oddly sexy.
Would probably murder people for you.
Gives no shits.
Good taste in sneakers:

Michael Kenneth Williams
Fucking awesome sweaters:

Is Omar.
Is just really fucking underrated, OK? Did you see him in The Spoils Before Dying? That was good stuff. He’s always popping up in things you didn’t know he was going to be in, and he always—A L W A Y S—makes that thing better.
Star Wars
Fashion icon:

Alternatively, if you don’t have any strong feelings about one of the above Michaels, you can switch them out with Michael Stuhlbarg who, fun fact, used to look like this…


…and still looks pretty damn good, OK? Where are my Stuhlbies? Other options: FMK, Michaels Stuhlbarg, Keaton, and Pitt. Not Michael Fassbender. HE DOES NOT BELONG IN THIS GAME OF MICHAELS.

If this is too easy for you, how ‘bout a bonus round? FMK:

Michael Kenneth Williams

Kenneth Branagh

Ken Watanabe

Aaaaand go.