Finally the Antidote To Oppressive Surveillance Capitalism: H...Heineken?

By Petr Navovy | Miscellaneous | May 3, 2024 |

By Petr Navovy | Miscellaneous | May 3, 2024 |

There’s been a lot of talk lately about smartphones and social media. Especially as it pertains to the younger generations and what those things have done to our/their brains and outlook on life. And rightfully so.

It’s not quite as simple as ‘smartphones bad’. I’m an elder millennial, and I can’t help but struggle against the perfect storm of depression that is climate change, capitalism, imperialism, and the rise of fascism at the best of times, so I can’t even imagine how much of a harder go the younger lot are having of it all!

But still, despite all that, yeah: Smartphones bad.

Well worry no more, afflicted populace of a dying planet! For here comes your saviour, your salvation, coming to turn the tide at the eleventh hour like Gandalf at Helm’s Deep.

Except instead of white, its wearing green.

Because it’s Heineken.

And here we were, thinking that the second-largest brewing company in the world might have been one of the less positive influences on the planet! In actual fact, it’s all been building to this, ‘The Boring Phone’, a collaboration between Heineken and fashion company Bodega (sure, why not):

Simultaneously jumping on three separate bandwagons at once—digital disillusionment, the increasing interest in analogue and simpler technology, and 2000s era nostalgia—Heineken’s new ‘dumb phone’ is one of a number out there on the market that sell themselves as streamlining our mobile phone experience. I’ll be honest: a clean UI and minimal connectivity is an enticing-as-hell proposition these days. Maybe by buying this new thing, we’ll finally save ourselves.