The post you waited all week for — the one where a white Pajiba writer explains the beef tearing apart the hip-hop world — is finally here. You simply cannot function on today’s Internet without this information. Reading this is a societal gain. You’re welcome.
Who the hell is Meek Mill?
Meek Mill is a mediocre rapper from Philadelphia. Despite two albums — Dreams & Nightmares, and Dreams Worth More than Money — with Billboard top 5 debuts, you’ve almost certainly never heard one of his songs. He wears shirts fashioned from your grandmother’s old oriental rugs.
So we’re talking about him because he has the No. 1 album in the country?
No. Again, unless you listen to a lot of Shade 45, Meek Mill probably isn’t in your daily rotation. Dreams Worth More Than Money isn’t available at Starbucks or at the local free-range cantaloupe shop where you bark-sniffing communists eat breakfast. In true 2015 fashion, Meek Mill is making headlines not for anything to do with his talent, but for something he said on social media.
Stop comparing drake to me too…. He don't write his own raps! That's why he ain't tweet my album because we found out! 😁— Meek Mill (@MeekMill) July 22, 2015
Oh shit, son! Can’t believe he put Aubrey on blast like that! Also, I don’t really know what any of this means. What’s he so mad about?
Meek got a sandy vag about Drake allegedly failing to promote Dreams Worth More Than Money on social media. October’s Very Own drops a guest verse on one of the album’s more popular tracks, “R.I.C.O.,” yet didn’t do much to hype the appearance. Which is a bit strange, because Drake isn’t exactly a social media introvert. But it’s not Drake’s album. He’s busy posting workout pics like he’s your skinny friend from high school who just discovered CrossFit. The bigger bombshell is Meek’s accusation that Drake doesn’t write his own bars.
Is this basically the rap version of plagiarism? Is he hip-hop’s Jayson Blair?
Ghostwriting isn’t uncommon in the rap world. In fact, it’s actually a great way for aspiring MCs to get noticed by bigger stars. Kanye West started off producing uncredited tracks for D-Dot and Jay-Z. When Kanye’s star began to rise, he became the guy hungry rappers wanted to write for on the sly. Rhymefest is credited as a co-writer on Yeezy’s “Jesus Walks” yet doesn’t appear on the track, and Chicago MC Consequence told MTV that he penned dozens of lyrics for North’s dad without receiving credit. Kendrick Lamar admitted writing Dr. Dre’s killer verses on K-Dot’s single, “The Recipe,” — listen to the cadence; it’s nothing like Dre’s — and rumors that Jay Electronica penned much of NaS’ untitled album circulated for years despite insistence from both parties that it was a “collaboration.”
This stuff happens. But Drake is Drake, and the Internet is the Internet. Meek wanted attention, and he got it.
Is there any proof?
This is where things get murky. Meek tweeted a name — Quentin Miller — who sounds like he’d be a 15th-century squire but is actually an Atlanta rapper who supposedly ghostwrites Drake tracks in his spare time.
Oh damn, Meek ain’t lyin!
Except Miller is a credited writer on several If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late tracks.
Miller himself took to
tumble tumblr to say, “I am not and never will be a ‘ghostwriter’ for Drake. I remember him showing me the thank you notes in NY before the album dropped,” he wrote, “showing me the QM, telling me they put me on the credits (Ghostwritter???). He attached my name to something that touched the world.”
Well, that’s that then. I assume Meek apologized profusely, sent Drake an edible arrangement, and both sides moved forward amicably?
Last Saturday, Drake dropped “Charged Up,” a relatively mild diss track on his OVO Beats 1 radio show. It’s no “Ether” — nothing is — but Aubrey has never been one to get hyper-aggressive on cuts. Thug-life bars about dropping bodies isn’t his MO. The guy stays in his lane better than any MC out there, a big reason why he remains so popular. “Charged Up” wasn’t what the Internet — and certainly not Chrissy Teigen — wanted, but it was a needed response.
Did Meek hit back?
Hard to say. He posted this thing, which is essentially the rap version of the Nightcrawler scene where Jake Gyllenhaal screams into a mirror. But he did use eight fire emojis so this is technically an eighth-degree burn on Drake.
Here it gooooooooo lets get it 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 pic.twitter.com/eWdMOXZrPh— Meek Mill (@MeekMill) July 28, 2015
You're no longer welcome in Toronto, @MeekMill.— Norm Kelly (@norm) July 22, 2015
Wait, why is Meek Mill onstage with Nicki Minaj anyway?
Oh! Forgot this part: Nicki Minaj is Meek Mill’s girlfriend. They started dating earlier this year after Meek was released from prison for a parole violation.
Isn’t Drake tight with Nicki?
Maybe Drake needs ghostwriters because he’s too busy plowing Meek Mill’s girlfriend to write songs.
Hey, nice one disembodied voice! May I continue?
Thanks. After the Tourette’s outburst and the Minaj show, things went from bad to worse for Meek. Instead of sitting back and enjoying the implosion, Drake used the “Charged Up” jab to set up a face-rearranging hook-uppercut combo. The OVO boss released “Back to Back” on Thursday, and this time he took the governor off. The humiliations begin with the cover art — a picture of Toronto’s Joe Carter hitting a walk-off home run to win the 1993 World Series…over Meek’s hometown Philadelphia Phillies. Drake followed that with lines congratulating Minaj on her new wife and warning her to sign a prenup. Just…damn.
Good God. Please tell me Meek Mill did something about this?
Define something. Last night Mill released his long-awaited response track, “Wanna Know,” and listening to it is the equivalent of letting someone pour molten garbage directly into your ear canals. Frank Semyon used shredded copies of this track to poison the California farmland near the high-speed rail corridor. The Milli Vanilli photoshop is funny, I guess?
What’s does our favorite renegade city counselor Neezy Kelly think about Meek’s diss?
This is the reason people hire ghostwriters. #WeDidntWannaKnow— Norm Kelly (@norm) July 31, 2015
Does Drake care about this anymore?
You tell me. Here’s what he posted after the track dropped.
Is Taylor Swift involved in any way?
Not yet. But I wanted the SEO from including her name somewhere. Thanks, Taylor! Just being a ruthless capitalist like you, yo!
Anything else I need to know?
Are you serious? The rich own more of the world than they did in the Gilded age, our oceans are poison, 16 men and one woman are trying to out-lunatic one another for the right to run the free world, bees are mysteriously disappearing, cops kill minorities just because, some Tim Whatley motherfucker cut the head off a beloved lion, yet you sat here and read this entire stupid thing. You’re a horrible human being.