Dear Internet: You Don't Have to Hack into Christina Hendricks Goddamn Phone to Find Great Images of Her
Over the weekend, some exploding asshole hacked into the cell phones of Christina Hendricks and Olivia Munn (and January Jones, among others), downloaded their private photos, and splashed them across the Internet. In addition, there’s one of each of Munn and Hendricks’ naughty bits, but they’re obviously fake (their faces aren’t showing, and both Munn and Hendricks acknowledge their phones were hacked into, but that the nude ones were not of them). I feel very squicky about the whole ordeal, but on a pop culture site, it’s an unavoidable topic of conversation today. But here’s my take on it: 1) Fuck that guy, and 2) Why?
It is my understanding that it all started on some message board, where some dude asked, “What celebrities would you like to see naked?” In response, a little later, an anonymous user posted the photos, including the obvious fake nude ones. Think about how fucked up that is? I know many of you are of the mind that, if you’re a celebrity, you shouldn’t have revealing photos of yourself on your phone, but that’s a shitty way of thinking. Pick up your smart phone and go through the pictures: Maybe there aren’t any photos of you wearing a nightshirt, glasses, and no make up while staring at a mirror, but I’m sure there’s plenty on your phone that’s both revealing and embarrassing. That’s what people do, man. When no one is around, people take pictures of themselves to see how they look in a new outfit or how a new hairstyle appears on camera, or because they’re 3,000 miles from a loved on and they want to send them images of themselves because they miss each other. We have no goddamn right to pilfer through those images and spread them across the Internet. It’s one thing to give up a certain amount of privacy in exchange for celebrity — you can’t go out to eat without the paparazzi hounding you — but no one signs up for this. Christina Hendricks seems like a very nice person, and we have no right hacking into her phone and passing along those photos.
But also, why? You don’t need to break into Christina Hendricks’ phone to find revealing photos of her. She poses for them. They’re all over the Internet, and she approves of them. You don’t have to invade Christina Hendricks’ privacy to find unbelievably sexy photos of her. I mean, look:
You know what’s great about those photos? You can gawk, ogle, and drool without breaking any laws. You can retire to your boudoir without invading the woman’s privacy. You remember that motherfucker who hacked into Scarlett Johansson’s phone and posted nude photos he downloaded. He’s facing 121 years in prison. I hope that asshole lives long enough to serve every single day.