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Channing Tatum's 'Gay Subtext: The Musical Number' Now Available to Stream Online

By Rebecca Pahle | Miscellaneous | February 9, 2016 |

By Rebecca Pahle | Miscellaneous | February 9, 2016 |

Spoilers for Hail, Caesar!

Everyone who saw Hail, Caesar! is (rightfully) losing their minds over Alden Ehrenreich’s star-making turn as part-time Western star/full-time adorable dipshit Hobie Doyle, but let’s take a minute—if you would—to send some love Channing Tatum’s way for bringing such undeniable artistry to the role of a gay, Communist Gene Kelly. Thankfully, Carter Burwell’s entire Hail, Caesar! score has gone up on Spotify, and with it comes the gay subtext-laden “No Dames,” where Tatum and his fellow Navy men (don’tmakeaSeamenjoke, don’tmakeaSeamenjoke) wax rhapsodic about how “there ain’t gonna be no dames” when they’re out at sea. But, hey, “I’m gonna dance with you, pal./And you’re gonna dance with me.” Have a listen:

The opening bit is on YouTube…

Aaaaand here are the lyrics, if anyone wants to luxuriate:

We are heading out to sea.
And however it will be.
It ain’t gonna be the same.
Cause no matter what we see when we’re out there on the sea.
We ain’t gonna see a dame.
We’ll be searching high and low
On the deck and down below.
But it’s a crying shame.
Oh, we’ll see a lot of fish.
But we’ll never clock a dish.
We ain’t gonna see a dame.
No dames.
(We might see some octopuses.)
No dames.
(Or a half a dozen clams.)
No dames.
(We might even see a mermaid.)
But mermaids got no gams!
(Noooo gaaaaammmms.)
Have I got a girl for you!
Out there on the sea!
Here’s how it will be!
I’m gonna dance with you, pal.
You’re gonna dance with me!
When we’re out there on the sea
We’ll be happy as can be.
Or so the Captain claims!
But we have to disagree.
Cause the only guarantee
Is I’ll see a lot of you
And you’ll see a lot of me
(And it’s absolutely certain
That we’ll see a lot of sea.
But we ain’t gonna see no dames.)
No dames! We’re going to sea! (x3)
We ain’t

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