A largely unknown treat about website analytics (stay with me here) is that they let you see what search terms are leading people to a site. A lot of those are completely normal: “netflix best movies 2015,” “true detective who the hell is stan,” “the walking dead is [Is this still a spoiler? I don’t think it is.] really dead,” that sort of thing. But sometimes…

…uh…

…well, just look at the headline.

Now, these aren’t regular readers; these are random people who fall down a Google hole and end up here because one of our stories shows up in the search results for often mysterious reasons. I don’t think we’ve written many posts about “beef stew fart in face stories,” but I’d have to check with TK.

Here is a small sampling of some of the weirder search terms that led to our green pastures, from analytics glanced at periodically over a roughly 24-hour-period. Ha ha, I don’t go outside.

I DON’T KNOW.

Who is Cheryl, and why are we writing about her ass?

I know there is some context that will make this not so much of a word salad, but I refuse to Google it. There needs to be some mystery left in the world.

…No, not at all surprised by this one.

Ew.

EW.

I didn’t Google image search the second one myself at all.

What babe? The babe with the power. What power?

This is… oddly menacing?

Hi there, American subjected to public school sex ed!

I assumed this was some 8-year-old searching for celebrity buttholes of the metaphorical variety, but then I see “alison brie sex scene” and “keira nude image,” not to mention the Mickey Rourke search, and… who knows, really?

Verdict: You are all perverts.

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