Pajiba isn’t much for sports, but the Super Bowl is much more than a sporting event.
It’s said that a billion people watch the game every year, which is probably grossly inflated (pumped with steroids, one might say) but there is no denying that the Super Bowl remains one of the very few events that dominates attention across every demographic. In an era of increased narrowcasting, the Super Bowl is one of few BROADcast events left.
The popularity of the Super Bowl is a boon to the NFL and the network that has paid an exorbitant fee for the broadcast rights. You can charge a lot of money for an ad that will be seen by one billion people, give or take.
The ads have taken on a life of their own. You can find online previews of highly-anticipated commercials and even a schedule of ads to run during the game (this may be yet another impending sign of the apocalypse).
But all this attention is the bane of actual football fans. Because people tend to watch the Super Bowl in groups, hardcore football wonks are forced to deal the football-ignorant — that idiot who doesn’t know which teams are playing or that dumb chick who wants to know why they play so rough.
But not this year. This year, Pajiba Strikes Back. We’re hosting a real, actual live blog for the game. With liquor and drugs and half-naked people (Sister Mary Rowles nixed the hardcore videos. The sissy.) and guns and fireworks and liquor. Did I say liquor twice? You bet your sweet ass, I did, Clyde, because we’re going to be drinking like … some group of people who drink a lot. Romans, maybe. Or the Irish.
Plus, with REAL-TIME commenting YOU can participate, assuming your squad of All-Star Moderators think you deserve it (probably you don’t). Did you ever read Pajiba and think, “Pssh. Them bitches ain’t funny”? You do? (So do I. Especially whenever I read Robert Scott’s pieces.) Well, this is your chances to drop some science on the people. But you bes’ come correct and yo’ pimp hand bes’ be strong because heads WILL be flown, ya heard?
So bring your Four Loko (I got mine), your Super Sunday Nuclear Nachos, but most of all bring the funny, damn you. And leave your pants. You won’t need them and they’re only going to get messy.
Jason Harris isn’t kidding about the Four Loko. We getttin’ crunk up in this piece.